“I’m scared of doing it, but I think I’m more scared of not doing it, if that makes sense,” I finally said.
“It does,” Gray said. “As long as you’re not doing this for our sake.”
Fuck, he was perceptive.
“I’m doing this for all of us,” I finally said.
“It’s going to work,” Bear said, running his hand down my back. “I can feel it.”
I nodded against his chest as a wave of determination took hold.
I would go back to the hospital on Monday and every day for four weeks.
I would take the chemo, no matter the consequences.
And I would be part of that forty percent who was cured.
I would do this for them, because they deserved full lives without a sick omega holding them back.
“Thanks for my mega nest,” I murmured.
“Anytime, kitten,” Liam said. “We need a permanent one like this so we can all sleep together easily.”
A syrupy warmth ran through me at his words. This is what I was fighting for—a happy future with my alphas. And if I had to go through hell to get it, I would grit my teeth and do it, just like I had every day these past years.
87
WESTIN
Water cascaded down my skin in the shower, but I could barely feel it. The peace I found with my guys two nights ago when we returned from the hospital and the determination I had for treatment vanished by the next morning. All day, my mind kept flashing to the moment I came to in the hospital bed with no idea where I was or what was going on.
The weight of it all overwhelmed me until I felt like I was going to choke. I opened my mouth, and a scream came out.
The sound was coming from me, but I was detached from it.
A loud bang of the door startled me enough to stop screaming. And then Bear was in front of me, fully clothed.
“Shit,” he said, pulling my body against his.
Feeling him against me helped calm the storm inside me.
“Are you hurt?” He ran his hands down my side.
“No.” I closed my eyes as I pressed my face against his soaking wet t-shirt. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, but I didn’t have the energy to lift my arms to remove his t-shirt.
“Please let me in on what’s going on inside your head. Please,” he begged. “I know what it’s like to want to shuteveryone and everything out, but please let me in. Don’t close yourself off from us.”
Bear’s chest shook against my body, and I opened my eyes to see my fierce biker alpha crying. My heart cracked right down the middle.
“It was really scary, waking up and not knowing where I was or what was happening,” I said, my voice sounding small.
“So fucking scary,” Bear said, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
Something about his words helped ease the terrified part of me that told me to shut up, keep it all inside so I wouldn’t be judged and rejected.
“I feel so disconnected from my body. I don’t…” My voice hitched on a sob. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
Bear’s hold on me became crushing. “I know who you are,” he said after a long pause. “You’re Westin. My omega, my baby. You’re wild and fierce and playful, a bright ray of sunshine in this shit world.”
