“Yes,” Dr. Ash said.
“If the aggressive treatment doesn’t work the first time, couldn’t you just try it again?” Henry asked.
“For this particular chemo, the risk of permanent heart damage increases significantly after twenty rounds. It would be a one-time attempt.”
My eyes were unfocused as I tried to take this all in. The news was somehow better and worse than I could have imagined.
“Do you have any questions for me, Westin?” Dr. Ash asked gently.
I chewed my lip. “So you’re saying that this tumor is incurable, unless it responds to the four-week aggressive treatment? Otherwise, I’ll have to be on chemo forever?”
“Not forever,” she said. “Some people are on chemo off and on for years, but often these tumors have periods of dormancy. No matter the course of treatment you choose, we will monitor the tumor via MRI every three to six months. Our goal is for the tumor to remain stable and to manage your tumor-related symptoms.”
“If you shrink the tumor, will her symptoms go away?” Henry asked.
“I believe so. The smaller the tumor is, the less chance it has to press against your nerves and muscles.”
I fidgeted with my blanket, wishing I could crawl completely underneath it and hide from everything.
“What are the chemo side effects?” Liam asked.
“The intensive treatment is called Liodox. The most commonly reported side effects are fatigue, nausea, diarrhea, mouth sores, and tenderness or sores on the hands and feet. The less intensive option, Tenoriv, has similar side effects but not as intense because you have longer to recover between treatments. Tenoriv will also turn your hair white, although that probably won’t make much of a difference for you.” She said that last bit with a smile, but I couldn’t return it.
“Will I lose my hair with the other chemo?” I asked.
“No. Some people see some hair thinning, but hair loss is not a side effect.”
Well, that was at least something.
“The last thing I wanted to mention is that these tumors can be sensitive to hormones. I know I mentioned referring you to a fertility specialist, and I can still do that, but research shows that these tumors often grow during pregnancy. Chemotherapy can also increase the risk of infertility. If having children via pregnancy is important to you, we might need to discuss egg retrieval or other options.”
My heart sank as I realized the conversation I’d been putting off would have to happen now. My mind filled with Dr. Bishop’s voice:The omega’s infertility renders her useless to an alpha pack. No one will want her now.I knew my guys wouldn’t agree with him, but having my infertility discussed like this in front of them still made me feel ashamed. What if they really wanted children? It was just one more thing I wouldn’t be able to give them, one more reason for them to leave.
“I know this is a lot of information,” Dr. Ash said. “The good news is there’s no rush. You have time to decide the treatment options that meet your goals, and I’m here for any questions you might have.”
She kept sayinggood news,but nothing about this felt good. There was a part of me that wished I didn’t have a choice when it came to treatment. Now it was up to me to decide which horrific option I wanted to subject myself to.
Liam ended the call, the laptop screen going black.
No one said anything. I kept my eyes fixed on a wrinkle in the blanket. I wanted to smooth it out, but my arms felt too heavy to move.
“What are you thinking, darling?” Henry asked. He moved the laptop so he could sit in front of me. His knees bumped mine and his hands squeezed my thighs.
“Do you want kids?” I blurted out.
Henry’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. “Oh, umm.”
Before he could say anything else, Gray cut in. “You’re not putting yourself at risk just to have a kid.” His voice was a low growl, his hold on my hand a little too tight to be comfortable.
“Maybe Westin should tell us what she wants,” Liam snapped. The two alphas stared at each other, jaws clenched, and I was confident that if I wasn’t here, they would start swinging at each other.
I rubbed my eyes. A steady pain was pulsing behind them and I cursed my fucking tumor. Two in a million and this happened to me?
Bear took my bottle of pain meds off the nightstand. “Take these, baby.” He pressed two pills into my hand and I took them. “Do you want kids?” he asked after I swallowed them.
“I asked first,” I said, shaking my head. “And you’re not allowed to say you want whatever I want.”
Bear sighed and pressed a kiss to my shoulder. “I never imagined myself with kids, no. I’m not opposed if you feel strongly the other way, but it’s not something I particularly want.”
