Fucking what?I was not about to let a pack control what I ate. My breath quickened, and I recognized the sign of an impending panic attack. I clenched my fingers into tight fists, my fingernails leaving deep crescents in my hands.
“Lie back, omega, so we can do the pelvic exam. I’ll explain what we’re doing, nurse, since you’re new.” The nurse giggled her thanks.
I wanted to punch them both.
The alpha guided my legs into the stirrups and roughly pushed up the paper gown, leaving me exposed.Just think about the beach, standing in the water as the waves wash over you.The beach visualization was not fucking cutting it as the doctor shoved his dry fingers up my vagina. I heard him explain to the nurse that he was measuring how tight I was, something that would be included in the report given to prospective packs. Omegas were forbidden to have sex or masturbate—we had to stay pure for our alphas so they could have the pleasure of ripping us open with their massive cocks.
The doctor’s words became muffled as my panic intensified. I started running through the latest moves we learned in self-defense class. I imagined shoving my knee into the doctor’s groin, knocking him to the ground. He would be too stunned to do anything before I stomped on his balls repeatedly, crushing them. My breathing evened out ever so slightly.Well, what do you know, that was more effective than the beach visualization. My awareness of the clinic room faded as I ran through my violent fantasy.
The doctor finally finished up after making some notations in my chart, and they both left me to get dressed. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking as I tried to pull on my clothes. I wanted to get out of this cold room with its bright lights and bury myself under a pile of soft, warm pillows. I was pulling on my jacket when the nurse returned. I still felt like I was in a haze and barely took in what she was saying as she led me out of the clinic to the main lobby.
* * *
“Alright, omega, just take a seat here, and someone will be with you shortly,” the nurse said, gesturing to a chair in the small waiting room off of the main hall before she spun around to head back to the clinic.
I sat down, facing the large posters on the wall staring at me with bold, black letters.
Complete your pack! Sign up for pack interviews today!
There was a large photograph of four alphas standing around a petite omega. Maybe I was projecting, but she looked miserable. Underneath the photo, there was more text.
Research shows that alphas are incomplete without an omega. Omegas are the domestic glue that bring alphas together, providing a warm, nurturing energy in the home.
98% of alphas express complete satisfaction with their omega at six-month follow-up interviews.
The Designation Center ensures all omegas have completed proper Academy training so they can best serve their alphas.
Don’t wait! Sign up today.
Sam and I used to roll our eyes at propaganda like this. The Designation Government might only have taken power five years ago, but we’d grown up with these messages in our traditionalist community. The poster didn’t seem laughable now that I was days away from being forced to join a pack who would view me as an object for their satisfaction. My hand itched to pull out my phone and text Sam, but if anyone saw it would invite too many questions about how I paid for it.
My leg bounced as I tried to force air into my constricted lungs. My promise to Sam to not do anything drastic flitted through my mind, but how could I keep living with nothing but years of abuse ahead of me?
I leaned over to see if I could glimpse the front door across the main lobby. What would happen if I made a run for it? Would I make it to the door? I imagined myself walking out calmly, evading security before hot-wiring a car and driving all the way to Sam’s in Sol. I sat back up in my chair, forcing myself to cut off the fantasy before I started crying. I needed to prepare for what was coming, not lose myself in what-ifs.
I knew from other omegas who had gone into pre-heat that I would meet with a Designation Center employee and complete a questionnaire covering what I was looking for in a pack. They would use my answers to find compatible packs to interview. Somehow, I didn’t think the questionnaire would cover my preferences: In your ideal pack, how many alphas would you bond with?Zero. What are your favorite hobbies?My illegal self-defense class, where I learn how to take down alphas.How many children would you like to have?None.
I could only imagine the horror on the DC employee’s face before they had me carted away. Even before the Designation Laws passed, I knew that finding a compatible pack would be challenging. I enjoyed my independence and the hustle and bustle of the city, whereas many omegas preferred quiet pack homes in the country. Most alphas and omegas were biologically wired to want to have as many children as possible, but I had never wanted kids. And then, of course, there was my weight, which, as my mother said, was “disgusting and unnatural.” Even if I could find a compatible pack, they would likely never want someone who looked like me.
I was so sucked into my childhood memories of my mother berating my body, forcing me to exercise and withholding food, that I almost thought I heard her voice.
“Josephine!”
Wait… thatwasher voice. She couldn’t be here, could she?Well, why wouldn’t she be? I caught sight of her striding towards me, her heels clicking on the marble floors.I’ve obviously gone to hell, and today is my orientation day planned by Satan.
My throat tightened and a wave of nausea washed over me as I caught sight of my pack fathers, Jericho and Richard, following close behind her.No, no, no, I can’t do this, can’t handle seeing them. Cold sweat prickled on my skin as the room spun slightly. My body screamed at me to get up, to run and hide, but it was as if all my muscles had locked into place.
“Josephine, are you ignoring me?” my mother asked.
She was standing in front of me, perfectly put together in a baby blue pencil skirt and matching blouse that showed off her tiny waist. Jericho and Richard stood next to her, looking impatient. I averted my eyes, hating how visceral my fear was, hating that they could scent it on me.
I forced myself to stand, unwilling to let the three of them loom over me. This was the first I had seen my pack fathers since I moved out of their house a year ago. I had hoped time would make me stronger, would help me get over the icy cold fear that kept me frozen and weak in their presence. Now that they were standing before me, I realized how wrong I’d been.
“What are you doing here?” I asked stiffly.
My mother sniffed. “That’s the greeting we get? We’re here for you, of course. Director Whiteburn notified Jericho of your lab results. Why didn’t you tell us? This is such good news.”
There was clear relief in her eyes and even the hint of a smile on her lips. Of course, she was thrilled. The fact that I remained unbonded was an endless source of shame for her.
