“What were you two talking about?” Ben asked, his voice gentle as he continued stroking my back in a soothing rhythm.
“Can you tell him?” I asked Theo, knowing I wouldn’t be able to say it again.
“Josie told me she’s been told all her life, including at the DA, that omegas have a barrier inside of their vagina that has to be broken by an alpha or they won’t be able to bond properly.”
Ben’s hand stilled on my back and I waited for him to say something. When the silence stretched on, I shifted my head to look at him. Ben looked confused, his eyes locked with Theo as if they were having a silent conversation. My omega wanted his eyes on me. On instinct, I reached out my hand and gently cupped his face. He leaned into my touch and let out a long exhale.
“I’ve never heard that,” Ben said carefully, bringing his gaze to mine.
“It’s not true, love,” Theo said, kissing the back of my neck.
A sick feeling worked its way through my stomach, chest, and throat, squeezing me until I could barely breathe.
“Oh my god, I’m so stupid,” I sobbed.
“No, don’t say that,” Theo soothed.
“I believed them! My whole life. You must think I’m the most idiotic person you’ve ever met.”
Theo and Ben pressed their bodies tightly to mine, making twin sounds of protest. Being sandwiched between them was the only thing preventing me from having a full panic attack.
“Of course you would believe them,” Theo said. “It’s not your fault. They were the ones in the wrong for lying.”
“I’m sure you’re not the only one who thought they were telling the truth,” Ben said in a hoarse voice.
“If it’s not true, why did they do all those exams?” I choked out, and the sick feeling in my stomach redoubled.
Ben looked at me with concern. “What…exams?”
“Every month, we had to submit to a pelvic exam to check for virginity.”
I tried to block out the memories, but they flooded me and pulled me back to the forced examinations. Those times at the beginning where I had fought them and they had strapped me down to the table. The sadistic doctor who wanted to cause me pain by being rough and inserting multiple fingers inside me without lubrication. Why had I believed what they said? Why had I never questioned it?
Theo let out a strangled sound. “They didwhat?” His voice had a dangerous edge that sent a thrill of fear through me, and I whimpered.
At the sound, Ben and Theo entangled my legs with theirs and stroked my face, hair, arms… any skin they could touch.
“Not mad at you, love,” Theo said quickly. “They never should have done that to you. Never.”
Their steady breaths and firm hold settled my body, but my mind was racing. What other lies had I believed about myself? About omegas in general? Suddenly, something else dawned on me. Cam had been shocked when I said I’d never masturbated. Did that mean…
“Is… is it…”
Shit. I didn’t know how to get this question out. My face was flaming red, and part of me didn’t even want to know the truth. My omega snarled. We had been told lies about us, about our needs, about alphas. She was pissed.
“You can ask anything,” Theo said. “We’ll never judge, never mock you. Promise.”
I took a deep breath. I still half expected their ridicule, but my need for answers was at the forefront right now.
“What happens if omegas masturbate?” I finally blurted out.
“I’m guessing the answer you’re looking for isn’t ‘they orgasm?’” Ben said, planting tender kisses down my cheek.
“What have you been told?” Theo asked, his tender touch on my hair a contrast to the anger permeating his scent.
“That omegas aren’t allowed to come at all before we bond with alphas and we should never touch ourselves. If we do before we bond with an alpha, we’ll never be able to bond as deeply. And then, once you’re bonded, your alphas are the only ones who can make you come.”
Hearing myself say the words out loud made me realize how absurd it all sounded. Somehow, it seemed so logical and scientific when I was at the DA.
