I started at his raised voice, tripping on the corner of my rug and slamming my shin against my side table.Fuck, that hurt.I collapsed back on the couch, rubbing the aching spot on my leg. The pain was grounding, cutting through a bit of my panic.
Gerald murmured in the background, and his hand appeared in the frame, soothingly running up and down Sam’s arm. Gratitude overwhelmed me that my best friend wasn’t alone. Sam might have more freedom as an alpha, but he had his own secret—his alpha roommate, Gerald, was his romantic partner.
The Designation Laws not only curtailed every freedom omegas formerly held, they also made clear what sorts of relationships alphas could have, and same-sex ones were firmly forbidden. Gerald had lived on the opposite side of the province, and the two met on a secret online network and fell in love without ever seeing what the other looked like. They had planned to form a pack and move in with each other after college, but then Sam’s father found their text messages. He threatened to report his own son to the authorities unless Sam left Luna province, all to protect the family from the supposed shame of having a gay son. Fortunately, both Gerald and Sam were offered jobs in Sol after they finished their engineering degrees. It meant an opportunity for them to finally be together.
“I’m going to keep asking around. I’m sure there’s someone in the city who can get suppressants. Please don’t give up,” Sam pleaded. “It would kill me if you did anything to hurt yourself. I need you to promise you will not do anything desperate.”
Last year, after two torturous years at the Designation Academy, I had been forced to return to my parents’ house. I’d terrified Sam when he’d visited and found me curled up in my dark bedroom, wanting to die. He had been prepared to give up his job, risk being arrested, and lose his chance to be with Gerald just to make sure I was safe. I had flat-out refused, unwilling to let him ruin his chance at happiness for me. We’d finally agreed on a compromise—he worked a loophole in the law that allowed me to move into his vacant apartment as long as his name stayed on the lease and he continued to pay rent. The Designation Laws didn’t forbid omegas from living on our own; we just weren’t allowed to sign a rental agreement, hold a bank account, or have a job.
I missed him so much it hurt. He was the only one in my life I could trust, and I hated that he was so far away. I hated that I would have to navigate this next bit alone.
“I promise. I won’t give up,” I said, trying to sound braver than I felt.
There was a long pause. “Maybe you can find a good pack.”
I scrunched my nose at him.
“I mean, it’s a long shot. But you still get the final say in what pack you choose. You never know; you could find a great fit. There are… good alphas out there.” Sam’s voice sounded almost strangled.
“How hard was that to say out loud?” I asked with a laugh.
Sam and I grew up surrounded by the worst examples of alphas. My childhood fantasies of joining a pack of strong, handsome, loving alphas had been effectively stomped on and set on fire by my upbringing.
Sam laughed. “Yeah, okay, it felt like shit. No alphas are good enough to deserve you because you deserve the fucking world. I just want you to be safe and happy.”
“Thanks,” I said, rubbing my aching chest. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, so much. I’m going to keep looking for options. We’re going to talk every single day. No retreating from me, Josie.”
I promised Sam I would stay in constant communication before hanging up the phone, the silent darkness enveloping me.
I sunk down into the couch cushions. I’d been putting off the inevitable for the past five years. While part of me had always known this day would come, I had hoped the world would change before it did—the Designation Laws would be repealed, omegas would be allowed access to suppressants legally, and we wouldn’t be forced to join with alphas when blood tests revealed our first heats were imminent.
The unfairness of everything threatened to overwhelm me as I thought of the horrible community I grew up in, my childhood friends whose alphas had forbidden them from spending time with anyone outside the pack, and the news stories of bonded omegas being found dead in the bay and their packs never investigated. I wanted to do something with all my fear and anger, but instead, I curled up on the couch and lay there frozen until the first rays of sunlight crept through the window hours later.
ChapterThree
Theo
Amiddle-aged beta in a BMW honked at me, throwing up his hands as I slipped into one of the few free parking spots.You snooze, you lose,I thought as I shifted the car into park. I hated going to Trader Joe’s.The fucking car park was always a mess.Why don’t they plan this shit out ahead of time so it’s not such a disaster?
Cam was being insufferable about getting his candy, claiming I owed him after he’d snagged a signed copy of one of my favorite books last month.
I sat numbly, staring out of the windshield, my eyes unfocused. I couldn’t seem to get my shit together lately.
My phone vibrated, forcing me back to the present.
Cam
You coming back soon? Have some things we need to discuss with this new job.
Theo
Just stopped at Trader Joe’s to get you Scandinavian Swimmers. What makes them any different from other candy?
I shot off the text, irritated that I had to go across town instead of the perfectly fine supermarket just down the street.
Cam
