“Jackson,” I murmur, giving him the slightest shake of my head.
“Gracie,” he implores softly, his eyes gleaming as he gazes at me. He swallows. And hesitates. And then he says, “I think I might be in love with you.”
I stare at him for several seconds as his words land.
And then I release a sigh as I say, ruefully, “Trust me, if you loved me—by now, after all these years—you’d know it for sure.”
He grimaces as I take a step backward. And then I turn and walk inside to see if Mellie is ready to go home.
34
I know that Mellie iscurious about what’s going on, but I’m too tired to bring her up to date that night. When I wake up on Monday morning, however, she’s already on the terrace, waiting for me. Breakfast is laid out on the table.
“Come and sit down,” she says, patting the chair beside her.
I’m in my pajamas and I still need to get ready for work, but I’m in no rush to go to the château today.
“Well, at least you’re finally talking about things,” Mellie says when I tell her about my conversation with Jackson.
“It’s going to be weird now though.”
“I don’t think so. You two have known each other for so long. You’ll get past this.”
“I’m not in love with him anymore.” I sound a little dazed as I say this out loud.
“Were you ever?” she asks cannily.
“Of course I was,” I retort.
“Really?” she presses.
I pause. What I felt for Jackson…There was so muchyearning, so much angst. Our love, if that’s what it was, was unrequited so it made it feel all the more powerful.
Maybemyheart wanted what it couldn’t have.
My feelings for Étienne have been growing with every moment that I spend with him. When I think about him toiling away on one of his cars or dragging his yellow kayak to the bank or even doing something as simple as cleaning his windows, my chest expands with an emotion that’s big and overwhelming. Those are just ordinary everyday things, but the thought of him going about his daily life makes me feel the sweetest ache of longing.
I want to be a part of that life. I want to build something with him, something real.
“Now, what’s the story with Étienne?” Mellie interrupts my thoughts.
“It’s complicated. He doesn’t do love,” I reply wearily, dusting croissant crumbs off my PJs.
“Nonsense,” she says. “You can’t just switch love off. You can’t switch it on either. Either you love someone or you don’t.”
“He thinks he can switch it off. He’s terrified of falling in love and having his heart broken again. He lost his mother and then his girlfriend to the same illness. His friend Lise told me that she’d never seen anyone fall as hard or as fast as he did for Eve so I know heiscapable of loving deeply, but I’m just not sure how to bring his walls down and show him that it’s safe to loveme.”
“Maybe he doesn’t want to open himself up because he still thinks you’re hankering after Jackson. Perhaps once he hears you’ve turned him down, things will be different.”
Could she be right?
“Talk to him,” she urges. “I like him. You’re good together.”
“I’m trying not to get my hopes up,” I mumble.
I don’t want to imagine a future with someone whom I might not be able to have. I’ve spent too many years doing that.
“You’re not one to give up, Gracie.”
