‘This job is so important to me.’
‘I know.’
‘You don’t. Not really. My parents made such a success of their business. I was lucky enough not to have to worry about money when I was younger, but I don’t have that luxury now. My dad can’t believe I left Knap to be a gardener. I bet my mum is laughing her head off at the thought of it. She’ll bedesperatefor me to fail. Her idea of heaven would be me running back to her, begging for help. I willneverask for help. Not ever. My mum would probably turn me down if I did. Icannotlose this job. I have to make this work.’
‘You willnotlose this job,’ he says seriously. ‘But I’m so fucking sorry for everything,’ he adds, his eyes gleaming. ‘I wish you’d talk to me more about what you’ve been through.’
‘I’d rather forget about it.’
He looks a little hurt and I sigh.
‘What did your mother say when you spoke to her?’ I ask.
He swallows. ‘Not much. But she accepts it. She does care about my happiness, Ellie.’
He seems convinced of this.
Me, I’m not so sure. It’s not that I think his mother would want him to be miserable, but I’d put money on her hoping he’d settle with being a little less happy if it meant being more socially acceptable.
‘Shall we continue with the tour?’ he asks. ‘There are a hundred and seventy-four rooms in this house and we’ve only seen one.’
‘We’ll be here all night!’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll just show you the best rooms. There are other things I want to do with you later.’
‘I hope the very best room is your bedroom,’ I say with a smirk.
‘Oh, itdefinitelyis,’ he replies, making me laugh.
I only realise as we walk down a long corridor, between double doors that have been pinned back, that Ash is still talking like Ashton Berkeley. I hadn’t even noticed.
It warms my heart to realise that Idoknow Ash – not just both sides of him but the whole person – and he’s the same underneath, no matter how he sounds.
I’m in this deep.
He takes me through the former bedrooms, halls, state rooms and the old kitchen with its giant stone hearth. Occasionally he’ll tell me about antiquities that his ancestors brought back from one of their Grand Tours, an ancient Egyptian statue of a cat or a Ming vase from China.
He knows so much about the oil paintings hanging on the walls and the various ornaments within locked glass cabinets that it amazes me how he retains all the information. ButI guess it’s part of his job to know these things. He needs to understand his family’s history so he can pass it on to his own heir one day.
The realisation is sobering.
We near the end of the tour through the Tudor wing in Ash’s childhood bedroom, which looks onto the courtyard, just as he described.
We stand shoulder to shoulder and stare at the fountain and, like me, I imagine he’s thinking of the ordinary children who played down there and thought he was a ghost. A heaviness has come over us that I abruptly feel determined to lift.
‘Okay, so now I’ve seen little Ashton’s room, can I see grown-up Ash’s big one?’
He casts me a sideways smile, his eyes sparkling with amusement.
We came up to the top floor of the Tudor wing via an intricately carved dark wooden staircase, but instead of going back down the same way, Ash takes me to a door that I hadn’t even noticed because it’s seamlessly disguised with the same William Morris wallpaper that’s on the walls.
I remember Bethan talking about secret doors and experience a thrill at getting to go behind one.
We come out onto a landing where there’s a narrow, less embellished staircase and a door markedPRIVATE. Ash uses his key to unlock it.
These are the rooms his family relocated to a couple of decades ago, after vacating the Tudor wing for the benefit ofvisitors, but their current living quarters don’t look all that different from the rest of the house. They’re a little more cluttered maybe, but just as grand, with antique furniture, rugs, oil paintings and collections of ornaments contained in glass cabinets.
‘This is my mother’s favourite room,’ he says as we walk into a large living room with a chintz-covered four-piece sofa. Three sets of butter-yellow curtains hang at intervals on the wall. ‘She does most of her socialising in here – too many afternoon teas to count. During the day, it’s very bright with all the windows.’
