As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I feel stupid. As ifhe’dwant anyone to know about us! I’m just his bit of rough from the old days.
‘And I don’t want you to be seen near my cottage,’ I spit, my temper spiking again as humiliation swallows me up.
If my new colleagues had any idea that I once thought I had a future with him … It would be beyond embarrassing.
And not just because I’d appear delusional – where, outside of a fairy tale, does a gardener snap up the son of a viscount? – but because I hate the idea of them thinking that I’d evenwantthis life.
‘Then let me give you my number so we can arrange a time and a place to meet,’ Ash says.
‘I don’t have my phone on me,’ I snap. ‘But wait, I’ve got an idea,’ I add mockingly. ‘Why don’t you write it down on your dead best friend’s book and shove it through my letter box?’
He flinches.
‘Where is it?’ I demand to know. ‘Stella’s book?’
He shakes his head miserably.
‘What did you do with it?’ I ask, my voice rising.
‘I lost it,’ he admits in a whisper.
‘Youlostit?’ I feel hot and prickly.
‘I’m so sorry.’
He does look genuinely remorseful, but I can’t contain the fiery-hot fury that bursts from me.
‘Reading that book was like having a conversation with her, the last conversation we could ever have! How could youloseit? You knew how important it was to me!’
He shakes his head, stricken. ‘I’m so sorry.’ He reaches out to me, but I slap his hand away, and then suddenly it dawns on me.
‘Isthatwhy you didn’t call?’ I ask in a small voice, breathless with hurt and yet somehow hopeful.
I’ve been so convinced that he didn’t call or turn up in Madrid because of allthis, because of thislie, but if it was because he lost Stella’s book …
His eyes widen with surprise. ‘Ofcourseit’s why I didn’t call.I mean, there’s more to it than that, but …’ He sighs. ‘We have so much to talk about.’
I stare at him, wanting to believe there was a real reason he never called, never showed up.
But then I remember the days I spent searching Madrid, bereft and alone. I remember that he lied about who he was and where he came from – even putting on a fake accent.
And he’s got a girlfriend now, a soon-to-be fiancée. It would be in everyone’s best interests if we just pretended we’d never met.
My throat begins to thicken, but I’m damned if I’m going to shed another tear over this man.
‘Please just … Just let me do my job,’ I say dully.
His jaw clenches as I turn and walk away.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The thing is, it still doesn’t make sense. Ash might have lost Stella’s book – and damn him to hell for that – but what’s his excuse for not meeting me in Madrid? He must have had a change of heart. Even if some of his feelings for me were genuine, he knew that we couldn’t go anywhere, that he needed to cut his losses and move on.
And he has moved on. He’s with Beca now. He said he didn’t have feelings for her then, yet clearly they’ve developed from friends to lovers. The thought of him with her, or with any other woman, makes me feel as though I’ve swallowed glass, which is disturbing. My heart and head are so confused. I can’t reconcilemyAsh withthatAshton. I don’t want to have feelings for either of them. I want to be over him so he doesn’t have the power to wound me again.
When I come home from work that day, there’s a package on my doorstep. I take it inside to the kitchen table and open it, pulling out five books by Sarah J. Maas:A Court of Thorns and Roses,A Court of Mist and Fury,A Court of Wings and Ruin,A Court of Frost and Starlight,A Court of Silver Flames.
My heart feels like it’s trying to escape from my ribcage as I open up the accompanying note.
