I close my eyes and let that sink in for a moment before saying, ‘I’m going to come travelling with you.’
He pulls away to look at me.
‘I mean it,’ I say firmly. ‘I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll meet you in Madrid next week.’
The sudden joy on his face makes my heart cartwheel. He curves his hand around the back of my neck and draws me in for a kiss, our teeth knocking together because we can’t stop smiling.
We eat and drink and kiss and talk and when we’ve finished eating and drinking we kiss and talk some more.
He tells me about Taran and how they used to camp out under the stars in a clearing in the woods near their homes, how they started when they were boys and continued right up until a couple of months before Taran’s body succumbed to his illness.
Ash was there with Taran’s parents and brother when Taran died and he watched as the last breath left his friend’s chest. He still has nightmares about it and wishes he could wipe the memory from his mind.
I kiss away his tears and assure him that one day it won’t hurt so much and he’ll be glad of the comfort he brought Taran and his family when they needed it the most.
I confess that I wish I’d been with Stella when she died, but instead she was with her boyfriend and uni friends, whom I hadn’t much cared for when I’d gone to visit. The thought of them all freaking out and not staying strong for her as she fell unconscious keeps me awake at night.
And he holds me whenIcry, and kisses away my tears too.
We speak more about our parents and how when mine drink, my mum gets meaner and my dad gets louder. His parents drink on their own and socially, but rarely together.
He tells me more about Beca and how there was a weirdmoment just before he came away when she looked at him and he thought he saw more than friendship in her eyes. And it worried him, because he doesn’t feel that way about her. I feel both jealous of her and sorry for her at the same time, because who wouldn’t fall in love with Ash if they’d known him all their life? He’s been in my life for less than three days and I can already feel my heart loosening its grip.
As the sun dips towards the horizon, lighting up the ocean with a blazing glow, we get dressed in warmer clothing and snuggle in close, staring out over the water. I sit with my back flush to his chest, his arms wrapped around me, and he presses kisses to my cheek as we watch the colour show in the sky.
We speak about our past relationships and how neither of us has ever been in love, and when the sun disappears from sight, we use the cover of my thin sleeping bag and each other’s body heat to keep ourselves warm.
When the night sky darkens, I ask him to tell me about the stars and the planets, and I have a surreal feeling that I could listen to his voice for the rest of my life and it still wouldn’t be long enough.
Hours after the earth has rotated away from the moon and our faces are lit only by the light of distant suns, we stare at each other, finally lost for words.
He reaches for me at the same moment I reach for him, but this time our kiss is slower and more intimate. I feel as though I’m pouring myself into it. I want him to take my heart, my soul,allof me. I want to give myself to him, emotionallyandphysically.
I know that I tend towards overthinking, but when the voice inside my head cautions against rushing into things, I shut it down. ItrustAsh, and I want this.
As I move on top of him, I make my intentions clear. His hands cut a slow path down my waist, hips and thighs, tucking me against him. We’re still fully clothed, but I can feel that he’s already exactly where I want him and the low moan that emits from his throat is the biggest turn-on of my life. We begin to rock together, the need, the desire growing in intensity. Our kisses have become deeper and more demanding and I am so ready for him, so close to exploding, that I can barely find the words to ask if he has any protection.
‘Are you sure?’ he whispers once he’s hunted out a little foil packet from an inside pocket of his rucksack.
‘So sure,’ I whisper back.
He unzips my hoodie and slides it off my shoulders while I unbutton his shirt. He moves to tackle the much smaller buttons on my dress and as our hands clash and get in the way of each other, we laugh and see to ourselves.
All our amusement dies once we’re fully undressed. His eyes are glinting in the starlight and goosebumps chase the path of his hands over my skin as he pulls me onto him. I feel weightless and grounded at the same time, like I’m floating in the ether and yet connected to the earth and to Ash in a way that feels deeply profound.
Neither of us lasts long, and as the sound of our breathy moans pierce the darkness, I know with acute certainty that I’ll remember this night forever.
CHAPTER EIGHT
We fall asleep in each other’s arms and I wake with the sunrise only a few hours later. Ash has one arm behind his head, propping it up so he can stare at the ocean, but he glances down at me when he feels me stirring.
‘Good morning,’ he says huskily, pressing a kiss onto the tip of my nose.
‘Morning,’ I whisper, not chancing my voice at full volume.
He hasn’t put his shirt back on and his chest is bare and lovely. I trace my fingers over his stomach and he strokes my arm. I put my hoodie and underwear back on after we had sex, but I didn’t bother with my dress.
‘I wish I had some clean clothes to wear for seeing my parents,’ I murmur. ‘It’s going to be hard enough as it is without giving them any more ammunition.’
