He closes his hand into a fist and reaches out, tracing the knuckle of his thumb along the edge of my jaw.
‘Sorry,’ he whispers, making my skin feel charged where he’s touched it.
‘You have nothing to be sorry for,’ I reply.
I hear as much as feel his quiet exhale.
You don’t go through something like that and come out the other side unscathed…
Sorry, Mum. But there’s no way I’m walking away now.
CHAPTER TEN
It’s late afternoon and the sun is spearing golden rays through cracks in the cotton-ball clouds. The gusts blowing in off the ocean are cool, but the festival crowd up on the cliff is boiling, a fifty-thousand-strong mass of jumping, happy people having the time of their lives.
I drove us here in my parents’ BMW, windows open, sun shining and music blaring out of the speakers, courtesy of the updated playlist Finn loaded onto my phone this morning. He sat in the front seat, twisted towards me and watching me drive, one hand holding the hair from his face, while Amy, Dan and Rach sat in the back. I felt the warmth of his gaze on my skin, soaking into my bloodstream, making me feel charged and alive. There has been a current flowing back and forth between us all day, and we’ve been unable to keep our hands to ourselves – Finn dropping kisses to the nape of my neck, trailing goosebumps along my arms with the stroke of his touch. I’ve slipped my fingers into the holes in his jumper and felt the sharp intake of his breath. We’ve revelled in our closeness, the pump of the music, the joyful whoops of our friends and the energy of thousands of people shouting their happiness to the wind. It’s a day I wish I could cast in bronze – a perfect moment in time captured for eternity.
And now we’re almost ready to return to Seaglass for onemore shift before we can go back to mine. I told Finn earlier that my parents are staying overnight in Bristol for a friend’s seventieth birthday party. The look he gave me was loaded.
I glance across at my friends and smile. Rach is giving Amy a piggyback, stomping on a carpet of empty plastic cups littered at her feet as she sings along at the top of her voice to Editors’ encore.
Amy’s hands are in the air, her pale blonde hair flowing out behind her and her cheeks sparkling with pink and purple glitter as she laughs, trying to remember the words to the chorus.
Dan keeps gazing over at her with unmasked adoration. I was worried about him breaking her heart, but he seems to be all in.
I smile at Finn and he returns my grin, putting his arm around my waist and pulling me to his side, hip to hip.
‘What’s this song?’ I ask him.
‘“Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors”,’ he replies, his blue-green eyes twinkling. ‘You’ll have to add it to your playlist.’
‘Or you could add it for me later,’ I suggest, feeling a deep ache in my soul at the reminder that it’s his last night.
Somewhere along the line, my heart snagged on him. A smarter girl might have unhooked it and stepped the hell away before she got badly hurt, but I haven’t been strong enough to turn my back on the rush that I feel when I’m with him.
As much as we’ve touched and as close as we’ve been, we haven’t kissed since our first time last weekend. I know thathe’s thought about it. His gaze keeps dropping to my lips and every time I notice, I feel as though I’m on fire.
I’m even more effervescent with anticipation a few hours later. Mixamatosis are playing their penultimate song and Chas has sent Amy and me to the dance floor, claiming he can manage behind the bar for this last stint.
The song comes to an end and the noise of the crowd dies down as Finn speaks into the mic.
‘Thanks for having me this summer,’ he says to cheers from the audience. His eyes find mine in the crowd. ‘It’s been unforgettable.’
He gives me a small smile as he backs away from the mic and a roar goes up as Dan sends feedback jarring through the amps, along with a twanging, super-familiar guitar tune. Chris launches into a fast beat and Finn steps up to the mic, the crowd going wild.
It’s ‘The Boys of Summer’, a grittier, faster-paced version than the Don Henley original.
The original is on my playlist.Myplaylist. I wonder if he saw it there.
There’s a lump in my throat as I dance along with my friends, singing at the top of my voice. It hurts to push the words out past the swelling.
I’ll have to get my hands on some clay this week. I hope it will soothe my pain to create, and then I’ll need to tell my parents about London. I’m still struggling with the guilt I feel about leaving them, but I’m planning to stay and work through to the end of September to give us all a bit more time.
Woven into the sadness I feel about losing Finn isexcitement for what the future has in store. Even the uncertainty of it is giving me a thrill. I’m ready for my next adventure.
The song builds to a frenzy before ending in screaming feedback. We all go wild as Finn holds his hands over his head and applauds us. He steps back up to the mic and the noise dies down.
‘Maybe see you fuckers next year.’
