‘I’m not ready. It’s another reason why Cara and I split up.’
I’d opened my mouth to speak, but this renders me silent. I let it be a lesson to me.
‘She also couldn’t handle the fact that LQTS is hereditary. As far as I’m aware, Icanhave kids, but I told her that I wouldn’t risk passing this on to a child. Lots of people still have children and that’s their choice, but I couldn’t.’
‘Is there any treatment for it?’
He nods. ‘My dad’s on beta blockers and at some point he will probably get an ICD.’
‘What’s that?’
‘An implantable cardioverter defibrillator, which is a small electronic device that’s connected to the heart and monitors your heartbeat. It can restart your heart if it goes into sudden cardiac arrest.’
Didn’t he have some random answer to a question about the heart’s natural pacemaker at our first quiz night? Was the clue staring me in the face all along?
‘Could you also have one of those?’ I ask hopefully.
He shakes his head. ‘They’re mostly only implanted in people who have already suffered cardiac arrest.’
‘So your heart could juststop?’
I feel as though I could throw up.
He nods. ‘Stress or exercise or shock could trigger it. It could even be caused by a sudden noise like an alarm going off, and it can happen in your sleep if your heart slows down.’
I’m going to be watching him so closely from now on. And I’m cancelling all my alarms.
‘It can also happen when you’re swimming,’ he says. ‘And obviously you run a greater risk of drowning if you black out in the water.’
‘You’re never going in the water again,’ I state firmly, glad that he hasn’t been in the sea since he’s been here, at least, not to my knowledge.
His expression softens. ‘Luckily, I’m not a fan of cold-water swimming.’
I breathe out a small sigh of relief.
‘I don’t want to change my life, though, Liv. I don’t want to avoid exercising or even swimming if I want to, and I don’t want to live in fear of loud noises and shocks. Life is too shortat the best of times and I intend to live it as fully as possible. And plenty of people with LQTSdolive long, full and happy lives. I can’t do my dream job any more, and that’s taking a lot of getting used to.’ His eyes begin to shine and he looks away and clears his throat. ‘But I want to live how Ichooseto live, without anyone telling me differently. I could die tomorrow, regardless of whether I have this condition.’
His words make me think of Mum and Dad.
‘Cara and my parents and my closest friends have all been on and on at me to get diagnosed and to take medication and to change the way I live. That’s why I needed a break. I needed space from them all just to have some peace and quiet and to think. And then I met you. And it scares me that I’m bringing you into my mess, Liv. I understand if you want to walk away.’
I lean forward and kiss him on his lips to shut him up.
‘I’m not walking away,’ I say firmly, hot tears pricking my eyes. ‘Maybe they can’t understand how you want to live every day as if it were your last. But I can.’
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
‘So, the thing is …’ I say in a tone that sounds as though I’m talking to a very small child, when in fact I’m straddling Tom’s lap on the sofa in a deserted Seaglass and looking down at his greatly amused face. ‘The thing is, I love you. And you love me.’ I tilt my head to one side and he indulges me by nodding his assent.
We said the words properly to one another a week ago and my feelings for him have only grown stronger since.
‘And I want to spend every minute with you that I can and you want to spend every minute withme!’ I say brightly. ‘So it really makes no sense at all that you’re looking for somewhere else to live right now when you have the perfect place at your fingertips.’
His three-week stay at the holiday park in Perranporth is coming to an end.
He raises one eyebrow. ‘Are you asking me to move in with you, Liv?’
‘Why not? You’re practically living with me anyway. That mobile home has been a terrible waste of money.’
