‘I’ll go to the bar!’ Finn shouts over the music after I’ve also had a hug. ‘What do you guys want?’
He takes their orders for two pints of Tribute and turns to me expectantly.
‘I’ll come with you.’
I decide to leave my brother to it, not wanting to cramp his style.
It’s the reason I haven’t come to one of these social dances before, but there are so many other family members here that now I feel guilty.
I follow Finn through the crowd to the bar, which spans from one side of the room to the other and has coloured fairy lights fixed to the bulkhead. In front of it, several tables and chairs have been set out on the carpet.
Finn leans over the counter to order.
I can’t believe he’s up for this. I adore him for it.
We deliver Michael and Timothy’s drinks to them and then take ours to a table, huddling close so we can hear each other over the music.
‘Tyler and Liam seemed well yesterday,’ I say in his ear.
He smiles. ‘It was great having them in LA at Christmas.’
‘Liam said he had fun at Disneyland.’
He laughs. ‘Yeah, that was eventful. Tyler got friendlywith a girl and went on all the rides with her, but Liam and I had a laugh together.’
‘How is Tyler generally?’ I ask.
‘Pretty good, I think. He’s done better at school this year. Hasn’t got himself into as much trouble. We speak on the phone a fair bit.’
‘And your grandparents? Did they enjoy the trip?’
‘They loved it.’
He’s been staring at the dance floor, a small reminiscent smile on his face, but now he looks at me and smiles properly, happiness radiating from him.
‘I hope we can do it every year,’ he says, returning his gaze to the dance floor.
‘I’m so glad it went well.’
He nods, reaching under the table to hook his hand around the inside of my thigh. I’m wearing a short summer dress with a floaty hemline and I’m hyper-aware of his thumb brushing my bare skin.
I love that he’s being tactile. I’ve been unsettled by the way he didn’t text me to say that he was coming, and how he didn’t even let me know that he’d arrived. He sought me out at the carnival, but he hesitated to put his arms around me, and it wasn’t until later that he kissed me. We went back to mine after and I thought perhaps we just needed to warm up, but even this morning he seemed pensive.
The fact that he had reservations about coming back this summer unnerves me. If his family continues to regularly visit him in LA, it won’t be as necessary for him to come here. Will the day finally arrive when he’ll decide not to return at all?
The thought of it makes me feel cold.
I decide to do what I’ve always done and try to enjoy the time we have, but things feel different, like we’ve both put up walls.
I don’t like it. I want him to be here with me fully, body and soul.
I reach out and push his dark hair behind his ears. It’s grown out since last year – it’s almost as long as it was that first summer.
He turns to look at me, his blue-green eyes gleaming beneath those dark lashes. I bend down and gently kiss his lips, my blood warming as he moves in deeper. He breaks away after a few seconds and glances towards Michael and Timothy.
‘You’re going to get me in trouble with your brother,’ he murmurs.
‘Tell me what’s been happening with you,’ I prompt, edging closer. Really, I’d be happiest sitting on his lap. ‘How’s the songwriting going?’
