30
You want a beer?” Jonas asks.
I shake my head.
“You sure? Let’s go inside,” he suggests when he sees me wavering.
I follow him into his cabin and take a seat at his small wooden table. The edges are rough and unfinished and I have a feeling he made it himself.
He cracks open a couple of cans and passes one to me before pulling out a chair and sitting down heavily.
I raise my can to my lips as he glugs from his, then I almost choke on my mouthful when he says, “He likes you.”
I shake my head at him, coughing. “Not true. Not like that.”
“He likes you, Wren. Exactly like that.”
“You’re wrong.”
“And I think you might like him too.”
“It doesn’t matter if I like him,” I reply, fervently shaking my head even as my stomach begins to somersault at the thought of this being true. “He’s still in love with Laurie. He told me that he’s nowhere close to letting her go. He said that, Jonas. He made it very clear.”
“Do you want to know how I know he likes you?” he asks me.
I stare at him, my nerves stuttering. “How?”
“Because every night over the last week, after you’ve left, he’s gone inside to watch videos of Laurie on his phone.”
Is that who I heard laughing through the walls of his apartment?
“How does that mean anything? He misses her.”
“You know what? I don’t think he does. He feels guilty,” he says. “It’s guilt that binds him to her, not longing or love or anything else.”
“Why would he feel guilty? It wasn’t his fault, was it?Wasit? The accident?”
Jonas shakes his head. “No, not at all. He wasn’t even there.”
“I don’t understand what happened. He said it was a go-karting accident, but I don’t get it.” Go-karts are small—how could they kill a person?
“Her scarf got caught in the wheel axle,” Jonas explains, swallowing heavily. “She shouldn’t have been wearing one, and that go-karting place has since been shut down for negligence. But it was cold and she was at her friend’s birthday party and she thought if she tucked it into her jacket along with her long hair, then it wouldn’t matter. But at some point her hair must have irritated her, so she let it out and brought the scarf with it. It unraveled and got caught in the wheel axle, which kept turning, cutting off her oxygen supply.”
I cover my mouth with my hand. Shesuffocated?
“It was an accident, atragicaccident,” he continues gruffly. “I thought Anders was making progress. He moved into a new place earlier this year and finally took off his wedding ring,and I thought that was it, that was the sign. And it’s been helping, him spending some time here, getting away from the city and the life they used to share together. But he came back from Indy so happy after the time you spent there with him. He’s falling for you, Wren. I’m sure of it.”
Anders has made it so clear that he doesn’t want anything more than friendship from me, so my mind has been cast into doubt every time I’ve thought I’ve felt a spark between us. But now, with Jonas’s words, that spark has burst into flame.
He’s still talking. “But he keeps watching those goddamn videos. I’d delete every last one of them if I could, but I know he’d get them again from somewhere. It’s as though he can’t stop himself from trying to keep her memory alive. But she isgone,” he says. “And he needs tolive.”
“He wants the same thing for you,” I realize out loud. “You need to letHeathergo, andyouneed to live.”
He shakes his head and smiles sadly, his eyes on the table. “I know I do,” he mumbles, dragging his hand over his face and exhaling with defeat.
“What do you see in her?” I ask, trying to focus on Jonas for a minute. This is important.He’simportant.
He brings his hand down and shrugs. “I don’t even know anymore.”
