Another memory from our road trip comes back to me. We were skirting the coastline of northern Spain and I looked out the window to see all these eucalyptus trees stretching along the roadside and planted down the banks. There were so many of them that I thought they must have been an indigenous variety, when I’d always assumed eucalyptus trees came from Australia. Scott assured me they did. He explained that the seeds of eucalyptus trees were brought to Europe from Australia in the late eighteenth century, that the first tree was planted in the greenhouses at Kew in London and the first outdoor tree was planted at a palace in Italy. He said that the Spanish locals were taking out a lot of these trees because they’re highly flammable and a bushfire hazard.
He said more than that, listing names of explorers and actual dates, but that’s the gist of it.
Was it an interesting story?
Yes.
Was I interested?
Not particularly.
I was at first, but after a while, my mind drifted off and I didn’t force myself to concentrate.
And the thing is, I know this was not an isolated event.
There were definitely times that I did not give him the respect that he deserved.
I don’t think I belittled him, but might I have done so eventually? Is it possible that I could have ended up being a bit like how Sheryl was to Dad?
It’s a difficult thought to process.
I remember how impressed I was when Anders told me that he was a race engineer. I thought being a mechanic for a racing team was cool too, but I was definitely that much more wowed when I heard he was an engineer.
This realization makes me feel a little icky.
But the fact is, Idorespect Anders. I respect him a lot. And I think he respects me too.
It strikes me, then, that Scott was right. He deserves to be with someone who respectshim. He was right to choose Nadine over me. He and I weren’t meant to be and I can see that now. I overlooked our inherent differences because I wanted to marry a man who was decent and dependable, someone who was on my side, someone I trusted.
And I wasn’t wrong to trust him. It wasn’t his fault that he fell for Nadine. At least he was honest with me about hisfeelings for her instead of embarking on a clandestine affair like my dad did.
But his rejection of me still hurts.
And Dad’s rejection of me still hurts too.
We might be getting along better than ever, and I know now that maybe there were even times when he regretted his decision to leave Mum and me, but the fact is, hedidleave. He leftus. He leftme.
I wasn’t enough for him.
I’mnot enough.
Will I ever be enough? Will I ever be someone’s perfect match?
Anders could be that person for me, I realize.
But I seem to be a long way away from being that person for him.
Misery engulfs me and tears spring into my eyes at the same moment that the sound of the angle grinder cuts out.
“You shouldn’t be sitting in here without ear protection,” Anders cautions.
The noise has been deafening, but I haven’t been able to drag myself away.
I nod and stand up, grabbing my backpack.
“Wren?” He’s noticed my expression.
“Do you mind if I go down to the lake?” My voice sounds husky and my bottom lip is trembling.
