“Wren, come inside,” he says quietly.
“No, Anders. Tell me now,” I order him. “I want to know if it’s over.”
“Please come inside,” he implores.
“You can’t do it, can you? You can’t be with me while you’restill married to her. And you won’t leave her, you won’t divorce her, you won’t cause any pain to her parents, even though this life is tearing you apart.”
There’s silence at the other end of the line.
I hear him breathe in and I know that I’ve lost him.
“I can’t,” he says. “Please come inside so we can talk.”
“No,” I reply morosely. “No. There is nothing more to say.”
I end the call and drag my suitcase out to the road, looking left and right for a taxi. Instinct has kicked in and I know exactly what I need to do. I’ll go straight to the airport, see if I can catch an earlier flight, and if not, I’ll stay at the terminal until the morning.
But I don’t want to see his face, not one more time, never, ever again.
A taxi pulls up and the driver winds down the window.
“Airport, please.”
He climbs out of the car, puts my suitcase into the boot, and I sit in the back and buckle up.
I stare at Anders’s apartment, wondering if he’s on his way out here, wondering if he’s changed his mind and will try to stop me.
Who am I kidding? I know he won’t. And right now, I don’t even want him to.
I amdone.
The cab pulls away from the curb.
40
It’s Sabrina and Lance’s wedding day. I’ve spent the last week on autopilot, going through the motions without feeling a thing. I can’t even cry.
Yesterday, I met Mum for lunch. She knew something was deeply wrong, but all I could say was that I’d fallen for the wrong man. I promised to explain more at some point, but I still can’t even wrap my own head around it. I must be in shock.
Mum wanted to know who was coming with me to the wedding today. I said no one. She asked if Scott was bringing Nadine. I said I presumed so, but I hadn’t spoken to him and I didn’t want to bother Sabrina by asking. I can’t even find it in me to care.
I don’t care what I look like either, but I make an effort for the bride and groom because no one wants to see a washed-out wraith at their wedding.
Black is calling to me, but I opt for navy lace. My dress is sleeveless, lands just above my knees, and clings to my curves. I wear it with navy high heels and leave my hair down. It comes almost to my shoulders now, and is lightened by the sun.
I sit alone in the church on Sabrina’s side. Scott is two rowsin front of me on Lance’s. Nadine is not with him and I neither know nor care what it means. I’m numb.
The only time I break is when Sabrina and Lance say their vows to each other up at the altar. My friend looks so beautiful with her dark hair braided across her crown. She’s wearing a long, slimline white gown and Lance is handsome in a charcoal suit.
I am in the moment with them, but I cannot hear “In sickness and in health, till death do you part,” without thinking of Anders.
He stood up at an altar and listened to a vicar saying those words to him and his bride, asking for a promise, a lifelong commitment.
And I can imagine his face as he said, “I do.” He would have looked at Laurie with so much love, and I bet he didn’t even smile. I bet he was serious, feeling the gravity of the situation. And maybe she smiled at him as he said it, maybe it brought tears to her eyes.
But whatever. I don’t fucking care anymore. My insides are cold steel.
I don’t even know if he’s tried calling me because I blocked his number on my way to the airport, then switched off my phone as an extra precaution. Maybe one day I’ll allow myself to think about that day on the farm, when the bruises have faded—and I don’t mean the ones on my skin.
