We begin to move together and I feel so much, so intensely. The fireflies in my stomach have multiplied and I am so full of light and love that I think I’ll explode. I can’t imagine what it’s like for him—it’s been four and a half years.
“Don’t wait for me,” I say against his lips.
“Come with me,” he replies.
And heat spreads up my body, bringing with it intense waves of pleasure, and as I detonate, he holds me still and stares into my eyes before falling with me.
I’m pretty surethat as soon as Jonas sees us, he guesses what’s happened. It takes him a long time to wipe the smile from his face, and that only happens when he and Anders are in full mechanic concentration mode, taking out the brokenpart and replacing it with a new drive belt. It looks complicated from where I’m standing.
It’s early evening by the time we get going again. The sun’s low rays are casting the most beautiful light across the fields, making them appear even more golden.
Anders reaches across and links his hand with mine, and as the sun sets and the stars appear, and Jonas comes and goes, emptying the combine into his grain cart, I fall deeper and deeper in love.
We talk about everything and nothing, listen to music, and sit in companionable silence. And I so desperatelywantthis life. A life with him. The thought of him not wanting it too absolutely terrifies me. But I keep tamping down these moments of dread, living for the moment, as I’ve asked him to.
When, at three o’clock in the morning, Jonas finally tells us he’s calling it a night, Anders returns to the farm and parks the combine in the shed.
“I’ll give you a lift back in the Gator,” he says.
“Not on your motorbike?” I reply with a smile.
“It’s too noisy. It’ll wake your dad and stepmom.”
“Is that why you wheeled it home that time?”
He nods.
“Aw.” I did wonder. “Actually, can we walk?”
“Anything you want.”
We take it slowly, arm in arm, and when we reach Wetherill, he kisses me deeply and unhurriedly under the stars on the doorstep.
“I don’t want this night to end,” I whisper against his lips.
He looks past me to the swing seat and cocks his head.
My heart lifts.
We sit there, cuddling, until the sky begins to brighten and the stars dim.
“Will you come and stay in Indy with me on Friday night?” he asks, smoothing his hand over my hair. “I’ll take you to the airport on Saturday morning?”
“I would love that,” I reply, my insides flooding with warmth and joy as I realize what this means, that this is not the end, it’s the beginning. I feel so full of happiness and hope for the future.
As he walks away against the backdrop of a sky awash with pinks and purples, I stand on the steps and wait. Sure enough, he looks over his shoulder and waves at me before disappearing from sight.
The smile is still on my face as I fall into bed and slip off into a deep, dreamless sleep.
The next day,I awake to a text that he must have sent on his way home.
See you Friday x
Can’t wait, I text back.I miss you already.
He doesn’t reply.
I give it a day before asking:Are you okay?
