“Good,” Jonas replies, falling silent.
Anders frowns at the CB radio as he docks it. “Good?” he mutters before shrugging and looking at me again. “Picnic down by the river?”
My stomach awakens with a flurry of nerves.
I climb down from the combine and stand in the warm sunshine, waiting for Anders to get the food and a couple of cans of soft drinks out of the fridge. He chucks me a picnic blanket and I sling it over my shoulder.
The river is at the bottom of the hill, lined with leafy trees that are beginning to turn. In a few weeks they’ll be awash with reds, oranges, and yellows—I wish I could be here to see them.
We walk over the section of the field that has already been harvested, kicking up chaff and the occasional chunk of dry yellow corn that has evaded the combine.
When we reach the river, Anders lays down the blanket in the shade of a tree and waves his hand, inviting me to sit. He joins me once I’m settled, passing me a can and cracking one open for himself. He takes a sip before pulling sandwiches out of a bag.
“We’ve got chicken or ham and cheese. Take your pick.”
“You choose first. I’m not that hungry.”
“No?”
“I’m too nervous to eat,” I admit.
He stops what he’s doing and looks at me. “Why are you nervous?Wren?” he demands when he sees that my hands are shaking.
“Sorry. I’m a bit of a wreck.”
“Why?”
“Because I have something to say and I’m scared to say it.”
“Go on,” he urges gently.
I take a deep breath and then force myself to stare at him. “When I left you at your apartment, it was because I thought I’d be hurting you and Laurie’s parents by staying. I could see how torn and guilty you felt. Kelly and Brian would hate you to move on from Laurie, but I do think, in time, they might understand.”
He shakes his head in adamant disagreement and stares at the river.
How will I ever get through to him?
“I know that you don’t want to hurt Laurie’s parents, but you didn’t marry them, Anders. You didn’t make promises tothem. Their daughter is gone and it is a terrible tragedy, but you can’t give up your own life to make them happy. Because you neverwillmake them happy, no matter what you do. They will live with grief for the rest of their lives,no matter what. And that is not your fault. Nor is it your responsibility. Nothing you do will ease their pain. You do realize that, don’t you? Anders?”
I wait until he looks at me, his eyes damp and those two damn creases back between his brows. I edge closer, kneeling directly in front of him, my heartbeat reverberating through my body.
“You can still love Laurie in sickness and in health for the rest of your life,” I say earnestly. “But love thememoryof her,” I implore, a lump swelling in my throat.
I’ve been researching vegetative states this morning, so I understand a little more about Laurie’s condition.
“Her body doesn’t feel anything. No pain, no suffering. There is nothing you can do that will help or hurt her.”
I feel as though I’m spinning, a kite caught in a tornado. I think he can see how lost I am because suddenly he’s reaching for my hand. My skin thrums under his touch, but the contact tethers me enough to go on.
“I don’t want to walk away from you,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes. “Laurie is gone, but I’m here, and I’m asking you to let yourself love me.”
Tears spill down my cheeks and the next thing I know he’s brushing them away with rough fingertips as they fall.
“Idolove you, Wren,” he says in a low, insistent voice, cupping my face with both hands. “I’ve been trying so hard, for so long,notto fall in love with you. But it’s impossible.”
My stomach was a tightly coiled Slinky, but now it begins to flip over and over down an imaginary staircase.
He’s not finished.
