‘Well, why didn’t you do it more often, then,’ I say irritably. ‘It’s not like you didn’t have the opportunity to. By the way, I hear Michael’s very happy with Janine.’
‘Good for them,’ she says bluntly.
I set off soon after that, but not before I’ve gone into my bedroom to pack away my things. I take one last inhale of Ben’s shirt and place the photos back in the box, feeling twinge after twinge of painful regret. I pick up the camera, but can’t bring myself to put it down.
Why don’t you take it? Why don’t you take photos again?
It’s too late, that’s why.
It’s never too late.
Stop it, Ben! Get out of my head!
But nothing can prise the camera out of my fingers. I can’t even bear to put it down to pack away the box so I hang it from its strap around my neck and a strange sensation of elation passes through me as the weight of it thuds into my chest. I climb up onto the chair and slide the box back into the top of the cupboard, pausing for a moment as I think of the photos. I could take them too? No, they’re too heavy to carry up the hill to home and I have to catch the bus back to the ferry terminal as it is.
‘Have you still got that old thing?’ My mum nods at the camera when I come out of the room.
‘Yes, I thought I’d take it with me.’
‘Take it to the charity shop, is what you should do. I can’t believe your dad bought you such a clunky contraption.’
‘It wasn’t clunky when he got it for me,’ I state. ‘And anyway, I like it.’
‘Like it so much it sat in a box for years.’
‘It’s seeing the light of day again now.’
‘He should get you a new one, that’s what he should do. It’s not as if he doesn’t have the money.’
‘I don’t need Dad to buy me a new camera, so don’t go on about it, alright?’
‘Okay, okay. When are they coming out here?’
‘In a few weeks. I can’t wait to see the girls again.’
‘I take it Lorraine’s coming?’ My mum hates Lorraine. You can hear it in the tone of her voice.
‘Of course.’
‘I hope they’re using contraception. I can’t believe she had a third baby at her age.’
‘She was only thirty-five!’
Mum pulls a face and I go over to give her a peck on the cheek. ‘Bye, Mum. See you soon, okay?’
‘If you can drag yourself all the way out here again.’
‘You know, youcouldalways come and see Richard and me sometime too.’
‘No, you’re too busy. I’m too busy as well. I’m working all manner of shifts at the moment.’
‘Still getting good tips?’
‘The best.’ She smiles smugly and on that note I leave her.
‘Where did you get that?’ Richard asks when he sees my camera later.
‘It’s my old camera. My dad got it for me when I first moved to Australia. I used to take loads of photos.’
