‘What do you think your mum would say?’ My voice is deadly quiet, and he’s too shocked at the mention of her name to speak. ‘Do you think she’d be sad? Disappointed?’
‘That’s enough.’
‘Do you think she’d be proud of her son?’
‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR!’ he suddenly bellows, roughly reaching across me to open my door. He pushes me out and I go with the motion, stumbling onto the pavement.
‘Josh!’ I cry out.
But he’s already crashed the door shut in my face. He then revs the engine hard and noisily screeches away from the kerb. I stare after him in horror. What have I done? Please don’t let him kill himself! But as suddenly as he started, he stops again, slamming on the brakes so they glow red in the darkness. I run after him and open the door. I can’t believe my eyes when I see him sobbing his heart out over the steering wheel. I quickly climb in and shut the door, reaching over to rub his back. He shrugs me off, but only half-heartedly, so I continue to stroke him soothingly.
‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper. ‘I’m really so, so sorry.’
He cries harder. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a boy cry before. Dan had a tear in his eye when I dragged him to seeCruel Intentionslast summer, but that’s hardly the same thing. I have no idea what to do in this situation.
‘I’m sorry I said those things,’ I try, when his sobs begin to quieten. ‘I should have kept my mouth shut.’
He shakes his head tearfully. ‘No, it’s okay. She would have hated it.’
‘Why do you do it, then?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Hasn’t Michael told you to stop?’
‘He’s too caught up in your mum to notice what I get up to.’
‘That’s not true. He loves you. He adores you. Anyone can see that.’
Josh doesn’t answer. He knows deep down that it’s true.
‘You can be careful from now on,’ I say. ‘You’ll never have to live with a terrible mistake.’
‘Or not live.’ He manages a weak smile.
‘Your dad would be devastated if he lost you, too. He’d never recover.’
Josh nods sadly. ‘I know.’
‘So. Taxis from now on?’ I smile at him hopefully and he offers me a weak one back.
‘Guess so.’
‘Shewouldbe proud of you.’
‘Don’t say that,’ he warns. ‘I’ll start crying again.’ And right on cue his eyes fill with tears. He brushes them away angrily. ‘Don’t you ever tell Shane I did this.’
I laugh with indignation. ‘As if I would!’
‘Not even when you’re snuggled up in bed with him.’
I lift my hand to whack him on the back with it, but he laughs and puts the car into gear. ‘Joke. I’ll tell him you’re off-limits,’ he says as he does a swift U-turn and drives along to pull up outside the house.
I breathe a sigh of relief. ‘That’d be good. I don’t need any more complications in my life right now.’
He exhales dramatically and gives me a teasing grin. ‘EvenI’mnot going to be able to get you in the sack after you’ve seen me crying like a baby.’
‘You wouldn’t have been able to get me into the sack anyway, darling,’ I say silkily. ‘You’re not my type.’
