‘I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘I didn’t want to tell you like this when I know you’re going through a tough time.’
‘It’s okay.’
‘So fill me in on what’s been happening.’
I sigh and look away. Oh, what the hell. ‘Promise not to be judgemental?’
‘I promise.’
‘Do you remember Ben who worked at the conservation park? Michael’s colleague – you met him once.’
‘I remember,’ she says immediately. ‘In the car park. Tall, good-looking man with blond hair?’
‘That’s him.’
‘Ishethe one?’
I nod.
‘But how old is he?’
‘Twelve years older than me.’
‘What?’
‘Mum, you promised not to be judgemental.’ She settles back into her seat and makes a conscious attempt to relax. I fill her in on the rest.
‘Oh, darling.’ She looks at me sadly when I’ve finished. ‘We rarely get over unrequited love.’
‘Tell me about it.’
She studies me sceptically, then opens her mouth to speak before shutting it again.
‘What is it?’ I ask.
She takes a deep breath and exhales loudly. ‘I was in love with a married man before I met your father.’ She pauses for a moment, her expression tense. ‘Nothing ever happened between us, but I knew he felt something for me too. He had two children. He would never have left his family. I know it’s wrong, but I slept with your father to make him jealous.’ She pauses. ‘I didn’t mean to fall pregnant, but I did. Is this too hard for you to hear?’
I shake my head, willing her to go on.
‘After that, I’d made my bed and had to lie on it, but I’ve never loved anyone like I loved him.’
‘Did you ever see him again?’
‘I bumped into him once in London. It was after we’d moved back from Brighton. He was still married. He told me where he worked and I’ve kept tabs on him on the internet ever since. He died last year.’ I gasp. ‘Heart attack,’ she adds. ‘So now I can finally get over him.’
A wave of understanding floods me. This is why she is the way she is. Why she’s finally able to say yes to Antonio.
‘Did you ever love my dad?’ I find myself asking.
‘Yes. In my own way. But he and I got together so quickly, and under such strange circumstances . . .’
‘There was never any build-up? No sparks of electricity? No meaningful eye-contact? None of the things that send shivers of anticipation down your spine and make you long for someone you
can’t have?’ ‘Exactly.’
‘Richard and I never had any of that either.’
‘But Lily, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong for you.’
