‘Can we afford this?’ he demands.
‘It’s not whatwecan afford, it’s whatIcan afford.’ I’m annoyed now.
‘Oh, like that, is it? I thought we were supposed to be saving for a wedding.’ He looks hurt and it immediately pacifies me.
‘I put it on my credit card, like I said.’ I actually was planning on telling him Ben came with me to buy it, but now I’m thinking that’s not such a good idea.
‘But you still have to pay it back. Don’t you already have a camera?’
Now I’m annoyed again. ‘Yes, but it’sreallyold. It’s hopeless. I need something up-to-date if I’m going to be serious about this.’
‘Andareyou going to be serious?’ He looks confused.
‘Yes,’ I reply, calmly but firmly. ‘I want to do a course in photography.’
He stares down at the floor. Then he briskly shakes his head and goes to stir the rice.
‘What? Aren’t you going to say anything?’
‘What is there to say? You’ve obviously made up your mind.’
‘It’s what I want to do.’
‘Aren’t you a bit old to have a sudden career change?’ he snaps.
‘I’m only twenty-six,’ I counter, but inside, my usual doubts are beginning to swirl around. I try to quash them. ‘Why are you being such an arse about this?’
‘I’m not being an arse. I just. Don’t. Get. It.’
‘Then you don’t get me.’ I didn’t mean to say that out loud. But it’s there now, between us.
‘Fine, if that’s how you feel.’ He stalks out of the kitchen. I stare in dismay as he puts on his coat in the hall.
‘Where are you going? What about dinner?’
‘I’m not hungry,’ he replies bluntly, opening the door, walking out and shutting it behind him.
I sit there in stunned silence. The microwave starts to beep and I slide off the counter and open the door, turning off the gas cooking the rice on the stove. I’m not hungry now either.
My anger turns to sadness and then to regret. I sit on the sofa and wait for him, unable to bring myself to look at my new camera. My excitement is long gone. Eventually I start to see it from Richard’s point of view. He thinks I’m changing, and he must believe it’s to do with him. He’s right, to an extent. I started to change when he proposed to me. But it’s not his fault. It’s mine. It’s all because of Ben.
I hear his keys turn in the lock after fifteen minutes and he appears, looking downcast.
‘I’m sorry,’ he says, coming through to me without removing his coat.
‘I’m sorry too,’ I say. ‘I should have asked you before buying it.’
‘You don’t have to ask me, of course you don’t,’ he says. ‘I just wish you’d talked to me about it.’
‘I know I should have. I’m sorry.’
He pulls me to him and we hug each other tightly.
‘Are you still hungry?’ I ask over his shoulder.
He glances through to the kitchen. ‘Is the rice ruined?’
‘Probably.’
