Nathan, Lucy, Sam, Molly, Mikey . . . I would lose them all, too. I would even miss Richard’s sisters, and what would his parents think of me? I can’t bear it.
You don’t have to decide anything right now.
It’s true, I don’t. Ben might not turn out to be the person I think he is. I’ve built him up so much over the years that he’s almost not real to me.
I stand up, full of resolution. I need to see him again – of course I do. I can’t decide now how I want to spend the rest of my life. Ben’s an uncertainty. This whole thing with him might fall flat on its face. Richard’s here. He wants to marry me. He’s not going anywhere. But Ben . . . I need to know him better before I can make any decisions about my future.
I get out a cotton pad from the bathroom cabinet, soak it with make-up remover and proceed to take off my make-up.
So that’s what I’m going to have to do. Spend some time with Ben; see if he’s all I cracked him up to be. It might be that my decision in the end is easy.
I throw the pad into the bin and cleanse the rest of my face before applying moisturiser.
Then again, I might be about to make things harder than I could ever imagine . . .
Don’t think about that now. Put it out of your mind. It will all be okay. It will all work out for the best.
I close the bathroom cabinet, coming face to face with my reflection again. Suddenly I don’t feel so sure.
Chapter 23
I’m awake for hours that night. It’s hardly surprising. If I manage to doze off, bad dreams soon drag me kicking and screaming to consciousness and then my thought process starts ticking over and I haven’t a chance in hell of falling asleep again for a long, long time. When the phone rings, pulling me out of a long-desired slumber, I snatch it up and jolt awake as I spot the time.
‘Dad?’
‘No, it’s me.’ Richard.
‘I thought it was my dad.’
‘So I figured.’ I can hear the smile in his voice.
‘What’s the time?’
‘Ten o’clock. You sound croaky. Were you out late?’
‘Not really.’ I clear my throat. ‘I didn’t sleep well.’
‘Missing me.’
‘Huh. Guess so.’ Silence. ‘How are you?’
‘Good. Thought I’d better give you a call, check up on you.’
‘All’s fine here.’ I try to sound breezy. ‘How’s the surf?’
‘Great. Already been out this morning.’
‘Everyone having fun?’
‘Yeah. But you’re missed.’
‘Am I?’
‘Of course. So how’s your dad and everyone?’
‘Really good. We went to the zoo yesterday.’Was it really only yesterday?
‘That’s nice.’
