‘Shhh!’ Kay frowns with annoyance. I take a few steps back from the girls and motion for Kay to do the same.
‘Is he good-looking?’ I ask conspiratorially, and her frown turns into a dreamy smile.
‘Very.’
‘Do you think he likes you?’
She shrugs. ‘It’s hard to tell.’
‘What are the signs?’
‘Well, he asked me if he could borrow my pen during maths.’
‘Right.’
‘He could just as easily have asked his best friend Lee, but he didn’t.’
‘That’s a very good sign,’ I agree.
‘And I catch him looking at me sometimes.’
‘He definitely likes you,’ I decide.
‘Do you think so?’ she asks hopefully. It’s the brightest I’ve seen her look since she got here.
‘Absolutely. If you suspect it, you’re right. A woman’s intuition usually is,’ I add, trying to sound wise.
‘I hope so.’ She beams and her whole face lights up.
I look away so she can’t see me smiling to myself. Puppy love. How cute.
Wait, she’s fifteen.Fifteen! How can she be fifteen already? I had sex with Dan at fifteen! I glance back at her, shocked. She’s staring wistfully at the gum trees. She’s far too young to be doing anything remotely like that. I must have been much more mature at her age. Surely? But a little trace of doubt is wheedling its way in.
Puppy love? A crush?
No. What I felt for Ben was real. It was. I’m sure of it.
Then suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see a male zookeeper with sandy blond hair come out of a hut by the kangaroo enclosure and go round the corner in the opposite direction. My heart lurches.Ben!
Of course it isn’t!
It was him – I know it.
‘Just going to nip to the loo,’ I say to the girls, and hurry off before they decide to join me. ‘Back in a tick!’
I rush through the gates and forget to close them so I have to turn around and swing them shut before looking wildly to left and right. Where did he go?
It’s not him. It’s not him.I chant this over and over to myself to prepare the way for my impending heartbreak.
There he is!
I halt on the spot. He has his back to me. He’s wearing typical keepers’ attire of beige shirt and khaki shorts.
It’s not him. It’s really not. He looks different. Broader. His hair is shorter. No. It’s not him. My heart sinks and a lump forms in my throat, but still I can’t walk away.
The sandy-haired keeper turns around, his head down, and then he looks up, straight at me, and my whole head spins and I feel like I’m going to faint.
Because itishim.
