‘Can’t you bloody tell?’ I rant. I’ve been sitting here getting increasingly worked up while he’s been happily watching some crap on the telly. He shouldknowhe’s upset me!
‘But Lily, I didn’t even say anything.’ He looks utterly confused and taken aback by my reaction.
‘You said I was a secretary,’ I practically shout.
‘So what?’ Richard cries. ‘What’s wrong with being a secretary? Or a receptionist? I don’t know what’s got into you. You were happy enough before.’
‘I was never happy!’ I shout angrily. ‘The only thing I’ve ever been happy doing is looking after animals and taking photographs!’
‘WHAT?’ He’s a bit beside himself. ‘What are you going on about, looking after animals?’ He’s raising his voice too, now, and a sudden sense of calm washes over me. I haven’t told him how I worked at a conservation park as a teenager. I’ve tried to blank it from my past because it’s too painful to relive. Now I’ve gone and done it and I have to explain. ‘Lily, what thefuck?’
I sigh and close my eyes. I really,reallydon’t want to go into this.
‘I used to work at the conservation park with Michael. When I first came to Australia,’ I add, glancing at him. He’s still frowning with exasperation.
‘Right?’ Add confusion to that look.
‘I really loved it,’ I say simply.
‘What, when you were fifteen?’ he checks.
‘Fifteen, sixteen . . . I only worked there for the summer holidays, but I’ve always regretted leaving. I know it’s too late to do anything about it, but it still makes me sad sometimes.’
He reaches over and rubs my arm. ‘Don’t be sad. Come here.’
‘No, I don’t feel like it,’ I say sulkily and he takes his hand away. I know I’m being high maintenance, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to go to him, I wanthimto come tome.
I’d like him to ask me to explain myself more, to tell him how at least working in the field of photography seems more attainable all of a sudden, but he’s annoyed at my snub. I turn my focus to the television, and a minute later remember that dinner’s in the oven and leap to my feet. That’s the end of our so-called heart-to-heart for now.
Chapter 20
On Sunday night, I get a call from my friend Vickie in Adelaide.
‘I’ve got some bad news. Tammy’s dad had a heart attack,’ she tells me. ‘He died overnight in hospital.’
‘Oh no, poor Tammy! And Shane! How are they?’
‘Devastated. The funeral’s on Wednesday. Do you think you can come back for it?’
‘Um . . .’ I haven’t been back to Adelaide since I left at the age of nineteen.
‘I know she’d like you to be there.’
‘I’ll try,’ I promise. ‘I’ll have to see if I can get the time off work.’
‘You can stay with me and Jaegar, if you like. It’ll be squashy, though.’ They live in a studio flat.
‘Thanks. I might even be able to get a cheap deal at one of the city hotels.’
‘Please come,’ she begs.
After I hang up the phone I turn to Richard.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asks, having overheard my half of the conversation.
‘Tammy’s dad has had a heart attack. Vickie thinks I should go to the funeral. It’s on Wednesday.’
He nods. ‘Do you want me to come with you?’
