Prologue
‘Will you marry me?’
I think of you, then. I think of you every day. But usually in the quietest part of the morning, or the darkest part of the night. Not when my boyfriend of two years has just proposed.
I look up at Richard with his hopeful eyes. ‘Lily?’ he prompts.
It’s been ten years, but it feels like only yesterday that you left. How can I say yes to Richard with all my heart when most of it has always belonged to you?
I take a deep breath and will myself to speak . . .
Ten Years Ago
Chapter 1
‘Okay, enough! I’ve had it with your complaining! We’re here now and we’re here to stay, so get used to it, Lily!’
My mother has finally snapped. I can’t say I blame her. I’ve been bitching about the idea of moving to Australia ever since she first hooked up with Michael on the internet.
‘Is the grass ever green here?’ I add, bored. If she thinks I’m going to quit complaining now, she has another think coming.
My mum says nothing; she just sighs and checks her rearview mirror before moving into the fast lane.
It’s late November – Australian summertime – and we’re driving up into the hills from Adelaide airport. To my left the yellow hills slope upwards, and to my right they fall away into deep, tree-covered gullies. The road is ridiculously windy so I’m gripping the armrest and having to squint in the bright sunlight because I forgot to unpack my sunglasses from my suitcase. Needless to say, I’m not in a good mood.
‘Don’t you think he could at least have come to collect us from the airport?’ I grumble.
‘We had to pick up the rental car, anyway. And as I’ve already told you, he had to work.’
‘Couldn’t the wallabies do without him for a morning?’
The new love of my mum’s life looks after the animals at a local wildlife park. All he has to do all day is feed kangaroos and hold koalas for soppy tourists.
‘Perhaps,’ Mum replies, a slight strain to her calm demeanour, ‘but his voicemail said something about a sick Tasmanian Devil.’
‘Whatever,’ I reply.
‘That doesn’t sound like the LilyIknow,’ she says narkily. ‘The LilyIknow would be concerned about a sick animal. The LilyIknow didn’t even want to go on holiday one year because her hamster was ill. The LilyIknow used to care for her pets as if they were children.’
‘Yeah, and now they’re all dead,’ I interject.
Silence.
‘What the hell is a Tasmanian Devil anyway?’ I add.
‘Oh, shut up, would you.’
I smirk to myself and stare out of the window, pleased with my small victory. Then I remember that we’re in another country. On the other side of the world. And I remember that I haven’t won at all. I’ve lost. Big time.
‘Crafers – there it is.’ Mum flicks on her indicator and starts to move left onto the slip road.
‘What if you don’t like him?’ I ask. ‘Does that mean we can go home again?’
‘Iwilllike him,’ she says determinedly. ‘And this is home, now.’
‘This will never be home,’ I reply darkly.
England is my home. And as soon as I’m eighteen, I’m going back there. But that’s over two years away – and that feels like a whole lifetime. I am so pissed off at my mum for doing this to me, I can’t even tell you.
