‘No, thankyou.’
He gives me a quizzical look.
‘I feel like a weight I didn’t even realise I’d been carrying has lifted from my shoulders.’
Have I done it? Have I finally laid the past to rest?
We drive past East Finchley Tube station and it occurs to me that I should be getting out.
‘You want to come back to mine for a bit?’ Alex asks.
‘I should head to Polly’s,’ I tell him hesitantly. ‘I need to get my bags and say goodbye.’
‘I’ll drive you.’
‘Alex, you don’t have to do that.’
‘I want to. Honest. I’ll take you to your hotel.’
‘No! It’s too far, I’ll jump on a train.’
‘Let me,’ he says. ‘Please.’
‘Are you sure?’
He glances at me. ‘I’m sure.’
I feel strangely reluctant to leave him, too.
It takes over an hour to get to Polly’s, but we talk the whole way, and the atmosphere in the car is light and lively. I feel drunk with happiness after the day we’ve had.
‘I really like your mum,’ I say.
‘She liked you, too. I knew she would. She gave me so much grief about letting you slip through my fingers.’
I stare at him, bewildered. ‘Really?’
‘Yes, really,’ he says with a laugh. ‘I just wish you could’ve met Ed this trip. Properly, I mean, under better circumstances. He feels bad about the way he spoke to you.’
I pull a face. ‘It was understandable.’
‘Maybe when you’re back at Christmas,’ he says.
‘I don’t know if I’m coming back yet.’
‘You are.’ He’s jokily confident.
Polly is in the middle of bedtime madness, so she’s happy to keep our farewell brief, assuming that I have a taxi waiting outside on the street for me. I shake my head at Alex as he makes to get out of the car to help me with my suitcase.
‘You didn’t tell her I gave you a lift?’ he asks when I’m back beside him, cheerfully waving out of the window.
‘No. Sorry. She would’ve given me shit about it.’
‘Oh.’
I belatedly realise how this must make him feel. His friends and family are willing to have a fresh start, but mine aren’t?
‘It’s only because I’m not going to get a chance to bring her up to date before I leave,’ I tell him. ‘You understand, don’t you?’
