He stares at me despairingly. ‘I don’t know. But what if youarewasting your time with me? You said it yourself: you don’t want to be an older mum. But that’s the way things are heading if we stay together. And that’s if we ever even get to that point.’ He grows misty eyed. ‘I love you,’ he says in a choked voice. ‘And I promise you this is not about Fliss.’ I jolt at the sound of her name being brought into our intimate conversation. ‘I like her as a friend, nothing more, but it’s true that I have felt more on her wavelength than yours in recent months.’
I feel like I’m going to throw up. And he’s not finished.
‘Being around her has made me face the fact that things haven’t been right between us for a while. We’re not connected, not like we used to be. I feel like you’re racing ahead in a different direction to me and I can’t catch up with you. I’m not sure I evenwantto catch up with you.’
My stomach continues to freefall. ‘Do you just need some time and space to think? Because you’re about to get it.’ I’m going to be away for over three weeks. My new boss is none too pleased about it, but it was organised well before she came on the scene.
‘I’ve had plenty of time and space already,’ he says. ‘We barely see each other.’
My voice sounds small as I ask my next question. ‘Do you think we should break up?’
The devastation in his eyes as he stares back at me says it all.
Bridget has invited me to stay with her for the ten days leading up to the wedding, but first I go to spend a few days in south London with my old Aussie school friend Polly and her family. Polly and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but, despite the fact that she now has two young children demanding her almost constant attention, she really comes through for me. She’s a rock and I’m feeling much better by the time I set off to Padstow in Cornwall, where Bridget and Charlie live.
I still can’t believe that Lachie and I are over, but it’s real. The days before I came away were hell. We shed so many tears between us – I have no idea how I managed to drag my sorry arse into work.
He intends to move in with a friend while I’m in England, and when I get back I’ll look for a place of my own. I could probably stretch to paying all the rent on our flat, but with our shared memories it would be too painful to stay. I’m thinking about moving out of Manly altogether. It’s always been more Lachie’s scene than mine, with his surfing lifestyle. But I’ll miss Lucy. She was gutted when I told her that Lachie and I had split up.
Bridget comes to collect me from the train station when I arrive in Cornwall and my mood does an about-turn at the sight of her beaming face. We throw our arms around each other and squeeze tightly.
‘I’ve missed you so much!’ she cries.
‘I can’t tell you how much I’ve missedyou,’ I murmur.
She withdraws to look me over, the corners of her lips turning down.
‘Don’t talk to me about it or I’ll lose it,’ I warn.
‘Okay,’ she complies, nodding.
She looks well and happy, her khaki shorts showing off her long, slim, tanned legs. They’ve been having a heatwave that we all hope lasts through the wedding celebrations.
‘Your hair has grown!’ I tug gently on a lock of her just-below-shoulder-length, dark, wavy hair.
‘Yours is still exactly the same,’ she replies with a laugh, her navy eyes smiling.
‘I had a trim a couple of weeks ago, I promise. You can’t see because I’ve tied it back.’ I’m wearing it in a long fishtail plait, one of my favourite styles when I can be bothered to make the effort. ‘Maybe I should lop it all off and have a proper post-break-up overhaul.’
‘Don’t you dare. It suits you like this. How was your journey from London?’ she asks. ‘It’s a bit of a shit, isn’t it?’
‘Could’ve been worse.’ The flight from Sydney to London was bleak, made a million times worse by my broken heart. ‘I’m excited to see a part of the UK I haven’t been to before.’
‘I’ve got so many beautiful places to show you.’ Bridget sounds like she can’t wait.
‘We’ll have to cram it all in.’ I’m determined to stay upbeat for her.
‘I wish you could stay longer,’ she laments. ‘I feel like postponing my honeymoon.’
I laugh.
‘I’m not even joking,’ she says. ‘Laura can’t get here until Saturday.’ That’s four days before the wedding. Laura is her friend who lives in the States.
‘Are you sure you’ll have room for us all?’
‘Definitely! It’ll be a bit of a squash, especially when Mum and Dad get here, but I want you with me,so much. Are you sure you don’t mind sharing a room with Laura and Max for a couple of nights before the wedding?’ Max is Laura’s baby. ‘Mum was talking about getting a hotel room, but she hasn’t managed to get organised.’
Bridget’s parents are divorced, but their relationship is amicable enough for them spend a few days in the same house together. The same room, however, would be pushing it.
