He nods, accepting my explanation. But then he looks confused.Here we go again...‘But the wanting-to-love-wholeheartedly bit. You don’t really believe that you can love someone any less just because you’ve loved other people before.’ His eyebrows pull together. ‘Do you? I mean, if it’s right, it’s right.’
I’m glad Elliot’s not around to hear this...
‘Now I know why no one wants to give me a book deal. The idea sucks,’ I say sardonically.
‘It doesn’t suck. Lots of people will like it.’
‘But you don’t.’
‘Well, erm...’ He gives me a sheepish look. ‘I’m not exactly your target audience, though, am I?’
I flick on the kettle. It boiled ages ago, but we’ve both been talking so much that we haven’t got far with tea making.
Charlie stays where he is, leaning up against the counter with his arms folded. He’s got jeans and socks on today, which shows how much cooler it is.
Squeak, squeak.
‘Did Nicki talk to you about her book ideas?’ I ask cautiously, focusing on the mugs as I fill them up with water.
‘Sometimes.’ He sighs. ‘She used to hate it when I gave her my two cents’ worth,’ he adds in a heavy voice.
‘Really?’ I glance at him to see that he’s staring at the floor. ‘I bet she appreciated your honesty, too, though,’ I say gently, fishing the teabags out.
He blinks rapidly. ‘I hope so.’ He makes a slightly frustrated sound at the back of his throat and unfolds his arms, resting his palms on the worktop behind him. He pushes off from the worktop and falls back against it before looking at me.
‘Sorry if I wasn’t nice enough when you first came here.’
His comment takes me aback.
‘It’s fine. You were fine. It was just a bit awkward, that was all.’
He nods. ‘It was awkward for me, too.’
‘I know. I mean, I can imagine,’ I say – awkwardly.
‘It’s not awkward now.’ And then he grins, and Ireallylike the way his face lights up. ‘You’re all right. I actually quite enjoy having you around.’
‘Don’t get used to it, I’ll be gone in six weeks.’ I pick up my mug with both hands, the warmth in my palms paling in comparison to the warmth I’m feeling inside.
I walk out of the kitchen, casting him a smile over my shoulder. He’s still blinding me with the force of his grin.
When Charlie puts April down for her morning nap, I switch off my music, not wanting a repeat of Friday.
‘No music today?’ he asks when I come down for lunch. He’s feeding April at the table. I heard him go and get her, but I didn’t hear her crying.
‘No.’ I give him an inquisitive look. I know he can hear my music from the window, but he hasn’t been working outside.
‘I didn’t hear it playing when I came up to get April,’ he explains.
‘Are you sure it doesn’t bother you?’ I check once again.
‘No, I like it,’ he replies. ‘Want to put some on now?’
‘Yeah?’
He nods. ‘Yeah.’
I return a short while later, scrolling through my songs as I walk into the kitchen. ‘What do you feel like?’
