He told me he would be setting everything up today. The finished articles were quite beautiful – like something out of a fairytale with their twisted, wooden structures and asymmetrical lines.
As well as a long, low play kitchen, complete with sink and pegs to hang utensils on, he made a table for sand play, several wooden stools, a series of stepping stones and a small play house – all gorgeously characterful pieces.
‘He should be back around lunchtime. Cup of tea?’
‘Thank you,’ I say, liking her even more than I already did.
I follow her into the kitchen. I think I might’ve just met Charlie’s cleaner: the place is immaculate. As mothers go, this one clearly rocks.
‘How are you getting on?’ Pat asks, and it’s more than just a conversational question: it’s concern.
‘Really well,’ I reply, although I’m not sure that’s entirely true. I’m still reading Nicki’s diaries. I can’t tell yet whether that’s getting me anywhere.
‘Is there anything I can help you with? Anything at all?’
I furrow my brow. ‘I don’t think so,’ I reply. ‘To be honest, I’m still going through everything, hoping to find some clues as to what Nicki had planned. It’s a bit of a one-man job.’
‘I was hoping to come and say hi to you before now,’ she confides as she moves swiftly around the kitchen, from the sink to the kettle and over to the cupboards. ‘Charlie’s not much of a talker. And he finds it very hard to talk about Nicki. So, if there’s anything you need to know about her, them, whatever, then you can always ask me.’
‘Er, thank you,’ I say, surprised. ‘I’m all right so far, but I’ll keep that in mind.’
‘Good.’ Pat smiles at me. ‘I’ll give you my number so you have it if you need it.’
Was that a bit weird?I ask myself as I head upstairs to the office. I think she’s just trying to help, but I’m pretty sure that, if I don’t feel comfortable asking Charlie something, I won’t feel right asking his mother. Although I guess that remains to be seen.
I’ve been on quite a journey with Nicki this week. When she left Thailand, she was heartbroken. She had assumed she and Isak would stay in touch, but, on their last night together, he confessed that he didn’t want to try to make a long-distance relationship work. She told him she loved him and they were both emotional, but he didn’t back down. He would likely still be in Thailand the next time she came, he said, but she mustn’t wait for him.
Back in the UK, Nicki grew resentful, knowing Isak also meant thathewouldn’t wait forher. She tortured herself by imagining how many other girls he was having holiday flings with.
Meanwhile, her sister, Kate, gave her the cold shoulder about Nicki going to Thailand to stay with their dad. She thought Nicki was being disloyal to their mum, and their mum didn’t do a whole lot to reassure her younger daughter. Nicki felt very alone.
Charlie broke up with Too Perfect Tisha and flirted with Nicki at a party, but she was sworn off men, which, of course, only made him want her more. Over the following weeks he got several mentions in Nicki’s diary, but she continued to claim she was over her crush.
Kate put increasing pressure on Nicki not to return to Thailand, but she held fast, and went back for the Easter holidays. Part of her reason for wanting to go again so soon was Isak – despite her bitterness, her thoughts were still consumed by him. She didn’t know if he would be there so when, on her very first day, she spotted him up one of the limestone cliffs, tackling an overhang, her heart skipped a beat.
She sat on the beach and watched him for an hour. He clocked her as soon as his feet hit solid ground, his face falling right off the cliff he’d just been climbing.
At first she was cold and distant, and he seemed nervous around her, but she didn’t refuse when he asked her to go for a drink with him.
That night he confessed that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her and vowed he hadn’t been with anyone else since. Regardless of the hurt she’d felt when he hadn’t wanted to keep in touch, they pretty much picked up where they left off. But at the end of the holiday, the same thing happened, with Isak vehemently stating that long-distance relationships don’t work.
When Nicki returned to school in the UK, she was so incensed with Isak that she ended up snogging Charlie in retaliation. They were both drunk, so she was surprised and apprehensive when he called her the very next day and asked her to go to the movies with him that evening.
Isak had insisted they were not tied to each other, so she went, but, when Charlie kissed her again that night, she still felt as if she was cheating on Isak. The days turned into weeks and Nicki’s feelings for Charlie grew, as did her guilt over the two men. She felt as if she was deceiving them both.
The summer holidays and another trip to Thailand were fast approaching, and one night she wrote an emotional entry about having come clean to Charlie. He was very upset with her for not telling him about Isak and he wanted to know if she still had feelings for him. She was honest and confessed that she did. Charlie walked out on her and refused to speak to her – she didn’t know if they’d broken up or not.
They hadn’t – it later transpired that he was extremely hurt and understandably worried about Nicki going back to Thailand for the whole six weeks of the summer holidays. She promised she’d be faithful to him and they agreed to speak on the phone regularly.
Kate still had issues with Nicki wanting a relationship with their father, so Nicki was pleased to be escaping her older sister’s wrath that summer when she came home from university.
In Thailand, her Isak infatuation returned in force. Isak was crushed when she told him she had a boyfriend, but, even though she tried to avoid him, they kept bumping into each other. He was still running the rock-climbing course for the resort, so he’d be on site regularly, picking up his next group and dropping them back after their climbs. One night he caught her arm as she was passing and begged her to have dinner with him – as friends. Against her better judgement, she accepted.
I wanted to hurl the diary at the wall at this point.
Isak told her he loved her, that he was in agony seeing her every day and not being able to touch her. He sincerely regretted letting her go, and would do anything to be given another chance – he swore he would try to make a long-distance relationship work at the end of Nicki’s time in Thailand.
Nicki broke up with Charlie over the phone. Her tears smudged the ink on the pages of her diary as she wrote that entry.
