I may write another novel one day when the dust from this one has settled. But, if all I ever do is write travel pieces, well, I’d still count myself lucky.
When I told Fay what I had in mind for Kit, she wasn’t at all sure. She thought Kit ending up sad and alone sounded like a real downer, but she told me to go with my heart.
I’m a little surprised when my heart leads me in a different direction...
Morris does divorce Kit because he wants children and she continues to pretend that she doesn’t. She’s determined to stick to the vow she once made to herself: that she won’t bring a baby into the mess she’s created.
She’s devastated to lose Morris, but she finds some relief in being just with Timo. Finally, she can live a normal married life.
She moves to Thailand permanently, but she soon discovers that she doesn’t know Timo as well as she thought she did. Their relationship was built on rocky ground and worked because it was so highly charged – every time they parted ways, the anguish over Kit returning to England for long lengths of time would drive their passion. Eventually, that passion levels out and, within the course of three years, Kit’s desire for a baby overcomes her. But Timo is adamant that he doesn’t want one, so their marriage ultimately breaks down, and Kit returns to Cornwall.
Kit has missed Morris terribly and she’s crushed to learn that he’s now married to someone else, with a baby of his own on the way. He’s where he sought to be in life and she’s happy for him, but inside she’s tormented. She still loves him, but she also wants the best for him, so she vows to herself that she’ll keep her distance from him and his family.
Then she finds out that she’s pregnant with Timo’s baby and he isfuriouswhen she calls to tell him. He asks her to terminate the pregnancy, but she refuses, saying that she’ll raise it herself.
She pours all of the love that she has into her baby – a little girl she names Aubrey.
As the years pass, Aubrey starts asking questions about her father, and Timo eventually comes around to the idea of having a relationship with his daughter. Kit and Timo become friends, and, when Aubrey is old enough, she visits Thailand on her own to spend time with her dad.
Kit loves being a mother more than anything else in the world.
But it’s not enough.
She has short-lived romances, but her feelings for other men pale in comparison to what she felt for Morris and Timo. She experienced the deepest kind of love –twice.If only it hadn’t been at the same time.
Cornwall is a small world, and sometimes Kit sees Morris from afar with his beautiful wife and three sons and wonders how things might’ve been if she’d never met Timo on that work trip to Thailand.
But, if she’d never met Timo, Aubrey wouldn’t exist, and having her daughter is something she will never regret.
When I finish writing the last page, I burst into tears. It’s a long time before I’ve composed myself, but, once I have, I pick up the phone and call Charlie. He’s the first – the only – person I want to share my news with tonight.
My heart thuds dully as his mobile rings out and goes to voicemail.
I send him a text: ‘Just finished the book. Wanted to say hello.’
He replies almost straight away and I’m crushed, knowing that he likely let his phone ring out on purpose: ‘Well done. I’m proud of you.’
It’s been two and a half months since Thailand and he still won’t speak to me. When will he agree toseeme? April is growing and changing with every week that passes – how much of her life am I going to miss out on before he comes around? What if he doesn’t? The more time that passes, the more terrified I feel.
What if the next time I see them is at the launch party for Nicki’s book? It will have been almost a year. April will be speaking. She will have grown so much. She won’t even remember me. Charlie will be distant, detached, just getting on with his life and putting the past behind him. The pain I feel upon conjuring up this image is colossal.
I can’t let it come to that.
My phone buzzes again with another message from Charlie: ‘April and I are visiting Valerie and Kate in a few weeks – maybe we could catch up for lunch on our way to Essex?’
‘I’d love that,’ I text back, my spirits rising. Does this mean there’s still hope for us?
Or does he just want us to be friends?
A few weeks away feels like a lifetime. It’s already been so long.
Somehow I’ve got to convince him that we’d be good together. Charlie is like no one else I’ve ever known. He’s so determined and driven and he’s always set on doing what’s right.
But this time he’s wrong. How can I make him see that? I’ve never been in this position before so I don’t know what to do and I’m not sure who I can ask.
‘Youcan always ask me...’
I jerk as a memory comes back to me. Pat. Charlie’s mother. What was it she said?
