And there are other similarities between us: her poem, for starters. She willingly gave pieces of her heart to her boyfriends, but she apparently had no issues with commitment when it came to marrying Charlie.
‘If it’s right, it’s right...’That’s what Charlie said to me when we had that conversation about my blog – about my desire to love wholeheartedly.
It was obviously right between him and his wife.
But so much is right between Elliot and me, I remind myself. He’s gorgeous and smart and we have a great deal in common. Fate surely brought us back together for a reason. I miss what we had in Sydney – and I miss what we had with our friends, too. My pining for him hasn’t been as intense recently, but that’s probably just because I’m getting used to being apart from him.
Right?
Dwelling on it now is futile – there are no easy answers. As soon as this book is out of the way, I need to make some serious life decisions. That much is clear.
Dad and I have a nightcap and sit and chat in the living room for an hour or so before I tell him I’d better call it a night. I need a decent sleep if I’m going to be on TV tomorrow.
When I head upstairs, I see a text on my phone from Elliot: ‘Are you FaceTiming me or what? I’ve got to go to work!’
Shit. He knows I’m at Dad’s tonight, and obviously that means we can finally catch up –properly– but I’m absolutely knackered. I couldn’t be less in the mood.
‘So tired,’ I text back. ‘Tomorrow night?’
‘Disappointing,’ he replies and my heart plummets.
‘On TV tomorrow. Don’t want suitcases under my eyes. Please don’t be angry,’ I implore.
He makes me wait for his reply. ‘Fine. Tomorrow then.’
I toss and turn for ages after that. I should’ve just called him and got it over with.
I’m still feeling shattered and a little all over the place the next day when I trek into the television studios on the outskirts of London. I’m sure the make-up artist spends longer on me than the previous one did when I last went on TV. That must’ve been a couple of years ago now, and it was at a different television studio. I’ve been out of the loop since I went to Australia. It’s another reason I should be thankful they asked me to come and do this today. I don’t know why I’m so reluctant.
At least I’m not too nervous – it’s live television and I don’t stumble over any of my answers. I get a bit emotional when I talk about Beau, so I try to steer the subject away from him and onto my other exes. The tone lightens substantially after that.
Sara calls me afterwards.
‘You areverygood at this,’ she says. ‘Very amusing. And you came across really well when you were discussing Beau, too. The presenter loved it.’
This comment makes me feel a bit icky.
‘I’ll keep an ear to the ground for any more opportunities, but well done,’ she says.
‘Thank you,’ I reply. I’m glad of her praise, but I’m not falling over myself to repeat the experience.
‘Who’s next on your list?’ she asks. ‘Seth should be interesting.’
‘Er, yeah, Seth would mean going to Canada, so I think he’ll have to wait. I’ve got too much on at the moment with Nicole’s book.’
‘Is anyone here in London?’
‘Vince and Liam are,’ I tell her reluctantly.
‘Are you catching up with either of them while you’re here?’
‘I don’t have the time.’
‘Oh.’ She sounds put out. ‘Well, don’t leave it too long before you post again. You need to keep the momentum going after Beau.’
‘Mmm,’ I reply noncommittally. Vince or Liam? Neither, thank you.
I looked Vince up online when Elliot first suggested I approach Sara with the book idea. He’s still a landscape gardener in north London, but with his own business now. There was nothing on his website about his personal life, but hopefully he’s happily married and will welcome the opportunity to put the past to rest.
