He shakes his head. “No, my errands took less than an hour. I was merely collecting a few more members of my court who wished to return home to see the final spectacle.”
He brushes by me, close enough that his intricately beaded doublet snags on the soft fabric of my dressing gown.
He shrugs off his doublet and hangs it on the fireplace fender, then turns to me.
“I’ve missed you,” he says. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”
“It must be quite diverting, being the king of two kingdoms,” I reply, trying to keep my tone light.
He pushes up the sleeves of his white undershirt. “Still, I miss your company.”
Bram toes off his shoes and pulls off his socks, then his brown leather breeches, leaving him in nothing but his underclothes.
At that exact moment, Emmett knocks at the door. It’s always the same—three sharp raps, a pause, and then another. Paniccourses through my veins. The last time Bram caught Emmett and me together, it earned Emmett two months in a faerie prison.
Bram looks toward the door.
“Not tonight, Eloree!” I shout. “I’m quite all right on my own. My husband is here, bring a tray for two in the morning!”
I try to keep my breathing steady. I can picture Emmett so clearly outside the door, his face falling. I pray he doesn’t feel betrayed, that he understands I have no other choice.
For a moment there is silence, and then the sound of heavy feet walking down the hall.
Bram slides into my bed and pats the space next to him. The mattress is much too thick to feel the knife I’ve shoved under it, but I’m terrified that Bram might be able to sense its magic somehow.
Lydia asked about it today, after the garden party, and I lied and told her I’d deliver it to her tomorrow morning. There’s a pit in my gut every time I think about it.
“I’m tired,” Bram says.
“Me too.” My voice is too tense. I need to calm down or he’s going to realize something is wrong.
I wasn’t exactly warm to him back in England, but I did a better job of pretending than this.
I shrug off my dressing gown, leaving me in nothing but my nightdress, and slide into bed beside him.
Bram turns off the flickering bedside lantern with a snap of his fingers and blue darkness pours over the room.
I’m terrified he’s going to touch me.
I don’t know why Bram hasn’t pushed the physical aspect of our relationship since our wedding, but I am grateful for it.
Perhaps somewhere, deep down, he retains some level of honor. Maybe he can tell I don’t desire him in that way.
Or maybe he’s getting his physical needs met elsewhere.
He lays a cool hand on the side of my face and my stomach drops.
“You’re special, Ivy. You’ve always been special,” he says softly.
“Did you ever love me?” I ask. Here in the dark, I can’t help myself. “Or was I always a means to an end?”
He’s quiet as he ponders my question.
“I don’t understand what humans mean when you say the wordlove.To put someone above yourself seems very impractical. Why do you do that?”
“Because it isn’t a choice,” I answer. Emmett’s face flashes through my head.
“Isn’t everything?” Bram asks, his voice genuinely curious.
