I made everyone laugh at every event of the social season. I dreamed about hopping on a boat to Accra, finding my father’s family, and building a life different from this one.
But I couldn’t break my parents’ or Este’s hearts like that, so I shoved everything real about me deep down to a place that was hard to reach.
I put on my Pact Parade gown like I was dressing for my own funeral.
But then Queen Mor announced that this was the season Bram would take a wife.
The plan popped into my head with the weight of inevitability. I would enter. I would lose. And then I would be free.
Signing that contract in blood was the easiest thing I’ve ever done.
No husband.Oh boo-hoo.I’ll find some way to carry on.
I’ve only lost sleep at night over the reaction of my parents. They’ve fought so hard for the life they’ve given to my sister and me, the last thing I want to do is let them down. I can’t bear it. But I’ll find some way to spin the tragic tale of my failure when it comes to telling my family. We could all still come out of this winning.
It’s why I still worked so hard at the May Queen competition. I had to make it look like I was trying.
There’s absolutely no way Bram is going to pick me. I’m not trying at all now, but they don’t need to know that.
They also don’t need to know about my bargain. The story I made up for the other girls about the headaches are real. I’ve been plagued with them for as long as I can remember, but that’s not the bargain I made.
When Queen Mor asked me what my greatest fear was, I looked her right in the eye and said, “Living a life as small as this forever. If I have to embroider one more cushion, I’m going to throw myself into the Thames.”
She laughed, and it made me strangely proud.
When I asked her to make me a great writer, her face turned serious. “I can do that. For a price.”
“I understand.” I could picture it so clearly, the life I would have when all this was over.
What she took from me in return was so strange, I didn’t completely understand it in the moment. In fact, I only barely understand it now. But I fill my notebooks with sonnets and novels that flow out of me like water, and I don’t think about what I lost at all.
The only thing that causes me to ache now is looking at Faith Fairchild.
“Marion?” Faith prompts, and I come back to myself, back to the orangery, where she’s standing in front of me withthat face.
“So, room swap?” she asks.
“Anything,” I reply, again too honest.
“Fabulous. I’ll move my things into your room tonight. You’re sure Olive won’t mind?”
“She’s an angel. Ivy will have to tolerate sleeping with a lamp on, but it’s really not so bad.”
“Done.” Faith extends her hand and I take it in mine.
“Done,” I agree.
Chapter Nineteen
It’s been an awkward morning. I was awoken by Olive huffing and dragging her trunk over the threshold of my room.
“Faith said we’re swapping,” she explained, and went back to arranging a family of stuffed dogs on her pillow.
“Did she now?”
I marched across the hall to where Faith and Marion were unpacking Faith’s things. “No one thought to consult me about this?” The truth is, I pity Faith. But I doubt she’d take kindly to me expressing that to her.
They looked up. At least Marion had the manners to look sheepish.
