I want so badly to sayyou’re notandhe didn’t. He wouldn’t. I want to tell her about finding Ingrid’s bracelet and about the kids in my house. But opening that can of worms means dealing with the aftermath, and it’s too big a mess to fathom cleaning up.
I have no way to prove it. No way to make her believe. And shehas no reason to believe me, the quiet, sad girl she’s only known for a few months. Not yet, at least.
So I don’t tell her. I listen and let her vent, because I can’t bring Finn back to her. But I can be here. It may not be everything, may not even be enough, but it’s what I can give right now.
Nineteen
Nora and I head outas the sun begins to set. She offers to give me a ride home, which I politely decline. I’ve hit my limit for car time today. I make Nora swear to tell my mom and Paige she drove me home if they ask. She agrees and doesn’t question it.
I know it’s dangerous. That every time I venture out alone, I’m taking a risk.
But it gives me time to think. Time to think about Finn, and how I’m going to tell him the town has given up on him. Not Nora, not me, but everyone else.
As I approach the house, I can barely make out the radio playing through one of the open windows. Nineties rock. I know now that it’s Finn’s doing, and he’s almost made a game out of it—seeing how fast he can change it back.
Margot’s bedroom light is on up on the second floor, and the sounds of an action movie filter through the front screen. Probably Sloane, who prefers action movies to Aisha’s documentaries.
And sprawled across the grass past the porch steps, looking like a literal corpse, is Finn himself. He’s got his hands folded over his stomach and his eyes closed.
I tell myself he isn’t out here waiting for me—that I don’t want him to be out here waiting for me—but I know he is, and I know I do. Despite extensive effort on my part, he’s dug under my skin like a parasite.
At my approach, his eyes snap open, and he sits up. A grin spreads over his face, but it dims at my expression.
“Hey,” he says.“You okay?”
I say nothing, joining him on the grass, sitting cross-legged.
“Long day,” I say.
“Want to talk about it?”
I frown.
“My day was spent watching nature documentaries with Aisha, so whatever you’ve got, it has to be better than the intricacies of the muskrat social hierarchy.”
I pick at the blades of grass in front of me, starting a pile of strands on top of my sneaker. I look anywhere but at him. “Two detectives came to the shop today,” I say. “Browning and Gonzales?”
“I know who they are,” he says, voice edged. Nora mentioned Finn’s run-ins with law enforcement. How when he tried to stand between his dad and his mom and sister, the police took his dad’s side. Gave him the record that may have contributed to how little effort was put into finding him.
I tuck my hair behind my ears. “They’ve been reevaluating your case. Not just yours, but…” The words writhe around on my tongue.
“Say it.”
“They’re closing your case.”
“Only mine?”
“A few others, too, I think.”
Finn draws his knees to his chest and slings his arms around them.“Okay.”
I flick the pile of grass off my shoe. “You don’t seem bothered by that.”
“I’ve never expected them to find me, Jo,” he says.
The words hit my skin and break apart like buckshot. “Finn.”
“It’s okay.”He shrugs.“I mean, it isn’t, but it is what it is, I guess.”
