Cary probably had so much sex.
Like anormalamount.
The sort of sex people talked about in the advice columns Shiloh read online when she couldn’t sleep.
First-date sex. Practically anonymous sex. Sex in bathrooms and cars. Hotel rooms. Sex without any ties or obligations at all.
Shiloh had never had that kind of sex. She didn’t really want it, in an ongoing way.
She just wanted a little bit of itnow.
Cary pulled away. He gave her space to keep climbing the stairs. Sherushed up the rest of them. There were two bedrooms up here, plus the bathroom. Shiloh’s door was open. Her room was the worst mess of all: Stacks of books. Bottles of lotion. Dirty mugs. Half her closet was spread out on her bed. “Sorry—” she said again.
Cary got in front of her, reaching behind her to close the door—then crowded her against it. “Shiloh,” he said before he kissed her.
Twelve
Shiloh let him push her head back into the door.
Her arms lifted up, hovered, and fell. She tried again and still didn’t manage any contact.
Cary took hold of her wrists and set her hands on his shoulders. She wound her arms around his neck.
He kissed her.
Cary’s chin was sharp with stubble. He smelled like layers of fading soaps and sprays. Like sweat. Like the champagne toast.
It had been so long since Shiloh had been this close to a person. (A person who wasn’t her kid.) Shelikedkissing, but it was just so...in your face. Kissing was like eye contact, but worse. Kissing was carnal eye contact.
Cary pulled his mouth away. “Shiloh?” His voice was husky.
“Yeah,” she whispered. “Yeah.” She pushed her mouth forward. He met her more than halfway. She squeezed her eyes shut.
Cary was shuffling out of his jacket—Shiloh tried to help. He was warm beneath the wool fabric. His shirt felt smooth. His shoulders were broader than she’d expected.
The jacket dropped to the floor with a soft flop, and his hands came back to her waist. Shiloh hugged his neck again and pressed her chest against his.
Cary groaned—it made her shiver.
He tipped his head to kiss her more deeply.
Shiloh felt the arousal rising up in her, and it was such a relief. She could ride this feeling past all the other stuff. (The desolation, again. The ennui.) (Memories.)
She let it rise. She let it go to her head. She licked into Cary’s mouth,and he surged forward, pressing Shiloh against the door, holding on to her hips.
Yes,she thought.Cary.Andplease.
Shiloh pulled her mouth away. It was difficult—Cary didn’t want her to. “I want you,” she whispered.
He surged into her again. She felt pinned. He was kissing her neck. “I wantyou,” Cary said. “Shiloh. I always want you.”
Shiloh closed her eyes. She could ride this feeling past anything. Past pitfalls and shipwrecks.
She let herself touch the back of his warm neck. His hair was so short...
He was trying to take off her jacket now—Shiloh still couldn’t believe she’d worn this stupid jacket. She squirmed out of it.
Cary hummed and started unbuttoning her dress. The buttons were for show. “No,” Shiloh laughed.
