“Why . . .” I fall back against the wall, leaning over and holding my stomach. I think I’m going to be sick. “Why did you ever give it to me . . .”
“You know why—it was meant for Simon.”
“I didn’t know what it would do to him!”
“You knew we were at war!”
I look up at her. “He wasfifteen,Fiona . . .”
“And the Mage was already using him against us!”
“Iwas fifteen, too!”
“Yeah, and you were five when they killed your mother!” She puts her hands on her hips and her tongue in her cheek and laughs one cold syllable: “Hnnh.Don’t try to make me feel guilty about this . . . We were at war.”
“I wasn’t at war, I was at school.”
“You wanted to help.”
“I wanted to make you happy, I wanted to be a good Pitch! Whatever that means . . .”
“You know what it means, Basil. You always have, even when you were small. I could always trust you to keep an eye on the Mage.”
“Fiona . . .” I’m holding my head now. “Anything I said when I was ten was just me parroting your words back to you. I wasn’t being a good soldier or a good spy; I just wanted your attention!”
She shakes her head. “I don’t feel bad about giving you that tape recorder; do you want me to feel bad?”
“Yes!” I stand up. “I stole an innocent girl’s voice! She lost her magic!”
“Shit happens, Baz!”
“Ihappened, Fiona!I’mthe shit!”
“Well, I’m not sorry!” she shouts.
“You should be!” I scream back. “I was a child, and you used me!”
“And it fuckingworked—it was children who brought down the Mage!”
“It wasSimonwho brought down the Mage! And it wouldn’t have happened if I’d stolen his voice . . .” I kick at a pile of clothes.
There’s nothing here. Not for me.
I leave Fiona in her room.
Nico is still sitting on the sofa. He jerks to his feet when I come in.
I snort. As if I’m going to open that box right now, the one labelled,My fuckup vampire-hunter aunt is hooking up with a vampire fuckup.No, thank you. I have enough on my plate.
I’m not a child anymore.
Fiona doesn’t get to tell me what it means to be a good Pitch.
I don’t think I care.
61
PENELOPE
