If I knew what I meant, it wouldn’t be so frightening.
I’m living second by second. All of this with Baz is petrifying. All of thiswithoutBaz is intolerable. I’m just making whatever decision I have to make in the moment to keep him in the picture, even though I can’t look at the whole picture without shitting myself.
I just told him to come home with me.
A few days ago, I broke up with him.
I just told him to come home with me, and he saidyes.We’re on the Tube to his flat, and he’s sitting next to me. I’ve got my arm slung around his shoulder. There’s at least one guy giving us a dirty look, and I kinda hope he speaks up, because I would dearly love to punch something right now. That’s a decision I could wrap my brain around.
Second by second.
Now I’m holding on to Baz.
Now I’m standing up.
Now I’m going to follow him.
39
BAZ
“Is your aunt home?” Snow asks, hiding behind me while I unlock the door.
“I don’t think so,” I say. “I don’t hear Joe Strummer, so probably not.”
“Is that her boyfriend?”
“She wishes.” I step into the flat—there’s a blur of movement and a noise like a door slamming.
Fionaishome. She’s standing in front of her bedroom door. Awkwardly. Her legs planted too far apart. “Basil!” she says. “You weren’t here.”
“I was not,” I say slowly. “Now I am.”
“Okay, fine,” she says. She leans against the wall. I’ve never seen her stand in that spot before. She puts her hands in her trouser pockets.
“Fiona . . . Did you just hidea manfrom me?”
“No,” she says.
“You did.”
“Big talk from someone hiding a man at this very moment.”
I glance over my shoulder. “Stop cowering, Snow.”
“I’m not cowering,” he mutters, stepping out from behind my back. I have my hand on my wand, just in case Fiona tries something.
“Hello, Simon Snow,” she says, trying to look dangerous.
“Hi,” he replies, barely audible.
Fiona puts something into her mouth. It looks like a whistle. Or a recorder.
“Fuck me,” I say. “Are youvaping?”
She immediately pulls it away and hides it behind her back—then realizes she’s hiding it and lets her hand hang at her side. “It’s better for your lungs than smoking.”
“Isit?”
