I don’t want you to think that it was your fault.
You’re the child we would have had anyway, Simon. You were ours, in every way. And none of it is your fault. We made you this powerful—like starting a fire in the middle of the forest. We made you this hungry.
***
In the end, I just wanted to see you.
And I thought maybe—maybe when you were born, I’d get some of myself back.
I should have asked Davy to get help when my labour came on. But we couldn’t risk someone finding out what we’d done.
You came on the solstice. And you came so easily, I swear you didn’t want to cause me any more pain.
Your father held you up to me and covered both our faces with kisses. He was the most powerful magician in the world before you, and he cast every safeguard he knew over our heads.
I saw you.
I held you.
I wanted you.
That’s what I came back to tell you. I loved you before I met you, and I loved you more the moment I held you. And I never meant to leave you so soon.
I never would have left you.
Simon, Simon.
My rosebud boy.
85
PENELOPE
We sit there, together, I’m not sure how long. All of us past the point of sorrow and exhaustion and relief.
Then Simon takes off his suit jacket—it tears around the wings—and spreads it over the Mage’s torso. He starts crying again, and Baz pulls him into his arms. Simon lets him.
“It’s okay,” Baz says. “It’s all okay now.” One arm is tight around Simon’s back, and the other is smoothing his hair out of his face. “You did it, didn’t you?” Baz whispers. “You defeated the Humdrum. You saved the day, you courageous fuck. You absolute nightmare.”
“I gave him my magic, Baz. It’s all gone.”
“Who needs magic,” Baz says. “I’m going to turn you into a vampire and make you live with me forever.”
Simon’s shoulders are heaving.
Baz keeps talking. “Think about it, Simon. Super strength. X-ray vision.”
Simon lifts his head. “You don’t have X-ray vision.”
Baz raises an eyebrow. His hair is in his face, and his hands are bleeding.
“I killed him,” Simon says.
“It’s going to be okay.” Baz wraps both arms around him. “It’s all right, love.”
Everything is starting to make sense.
EPILOGUE
