“Then why did you stay together?”
“Well, I wasn’t going to break up withAgatha. It wasn’therfault.”
He’s smoothing his hand along his leg again. I like everything about Baz in this suit.
“I’m just saying,” I say, turning a bit more, “that I don’t know how to be your boyfriend. And I don’t think you’d want that from me.”
“Fine,” he says. “Understood.”
“And I know that you think we’re doomed—Romeo-and-Juliet style.”
“Completely,” he says to his knees.
“And I don’t think I’m gay,” I say. “I mean, maybe I am, at least partly, the part that seems to be demanding the most attention right now…”
“No one cares whether you’re gay,” Baz says coldly.
I’m sitting sideways now, facing his profile. His eyes are narrow, and his mouth is a straight line.
“What I’m saying is…” My voice fades out. I suck at this. “I like to look at you.”
His eyes shoot over to me, and he lowers his eyebrows but doesn’t turn his head.
“I like this,” I go on. “All of this that we’ve been doing.”
He ignores me.
“I likeyou,” I say. “And I don’t even care that you don’t like me—I’m used to it, I wouldn’t know what to do if you did. But I likeyou,Baz.I likethis.I like helping you. I like knowing that you’re okay. When you didn’t come back to school this autumn, when you were missing… I thought I was going to lose my mind.”
“You thought I was plotting against you,” he says.
“Yeah,” I say. “And I missed you.”
He shakes his head. “There’s something wrong with you—”
“I know.But I still want this, if you’ll let me have it.”
Baz finally turns to look at me. “What’sthis,Snow?”
“This,”I say. “I want to be your boyfriend. Your terrible boyfriend.”
He cocks an eyebrow and stares at me, like figuring out what’s wrong with me is something he’ll never have enough time for.
There’s a soft knock at the door.
Baz stands up, straightening his suit, and walks to the door. He opens it and leans over, picking up a tray, then brings it back to his bed. There’s a pitcher of milk and a heavily laden plate from dinner.
“Who’s that from?” I ask.
“My stepmother.”
“Why didn’t you just eat at dinner?”
“I don’t like eating in front of people.”
“Why not?”
“Why do you ask so many questions?”
