Agatha was on arant. Which almost never happens. (It usually only happens when we’re stranded or kidnapped or stuck at the bottom of a well that’s rapidly filling with water.) But she was clearly fed up with the both of us.
“What were you thinking?” she demanded of me. “Those are thePitches.He is avampire.”
“That’s never stopped you from cavorting with him in the Wavering Wood,” Penny said to her.
“That happenedonce,” Agatha said. “And it was an adolescent crush.”
“It was?” I said.
“I was only hoping for a kiss—I wasn’t conspiring against the Mage!”
“You were?” I couldn’t even figure out who I was jealous over in this situation. Both of them, I guess.
“We aren’t conspiring against the Mage!” Penny argued. “We’re conspiring… apart from him.”
“As far as I can tell,” Agatha said, “you don’t knowwhatyou’re doing.”
I worried that she was right.
Everything was turned upside down: co-operating with Baz, keeping secrets from the Mage. What would Agatha say if she knew about the kissing?
“You’re not even gay, Simon.”
I rubbed my palms into my eyes.
“The prophecy doesn’t actually say that Simon has to listen to the Mage,” Penny was going on. “It says that he’s here for theWorldof Mages. That includes Baz’s mum—” She glanced back at me. “Simon, are you okay?”
“Headache,” I said.
“You’re not even gay,”she’d say,“and he’s not even alive.”
“Do you want me to try and shrink it?” Penny offered, leaning back between the bucket seats.
“My head?”
“Your headache.”
“Merlin, no. I’ll be fine.”
“You’re not even gay, and he’s not even alive, and that isn’t even theworstpart of this idea—what will the Mage say?”
“It isn’t your job to solve murders,” Agatha said. “You’re not the police.”
“Now,there’san interesting concept,” Penny said. “Magickal law enforcement. I’d like magickal social programmes, as well. Plus a department of health and wellness.”
“The Mage’s Men are the police,” Agatha said.
“The Mage’s Men are some sort of personal army.”
“You’re talking about your brother!” Agatha shouted, pulling herself forward over the steering wheel.
“I know!” Penny shouted back. “We’re in desperate need of reforms!”
“But the Mage is the Great Reformer!”
“Oh, anyone can call themselves that. Besides, Agatha, I know you think the Mage is a tax-happy interloper with a chip on his shoulder about the aristocracy. I’ve heard you say so.”
“My mother thinks that,” Agatha said. “He’s stillthe Mage.”
