I feel like a whiny little brat for saying what I did to Dad. I don’t know why I said it. The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them, and now I regret it. We were all having such a nice time, and I almost ruined it. I swallow a big gulp of soda and notice something miraculous out of the corner of my eye. I point down the hallway. “Look, everyone!” At the end of the hallway in front of the bathroom, huddled over the little plastic dreidel, Sammy and Millie are touching noses. No hissing, no hiding, no fighting. Just loving. And I think, I can do that.
35
A New Year’s Eve Confession
Ihave my room back, and it’s total bliss. Aunt Sarah left yesterday to spend a few nights in Ocean City to celebrate the new year before she moves into her new apartment. She wanted Carole to go with her, and Carole was going to go, but at the very last minute she decided not to. So, Aunt Sarah gathered her things and with a curt goodbye and a dramatic door slam, she was gone.
Millie is still here, though, and I assume Aunt Sarah will retrieve her after she settles into her new apartment. Part of me doesn’t want her to go. Sammy and Millie seem to have come to an agreement to cohabitate in peace. Sammy no longer hides under Carole’s bed, and they even nap together occasionally. Carole, however, seems to be falling into a deeper depression. She has called in sick to work a few times, and she loves her job at the library. I believe she is more lost without Mom than I am.
Once again, I’m back at my little oak desk staring at the blank card in front of me, trying to find the right words to write. I’ve attempted to write this card two other times since the last night of Hanukkah with no success. I’ve been overthinking what to say and perhaps simple is best. I had announced to Dad that I would make my decision after New Year’s Day, but truthfully, I had already made up my mind about what I wanted to do. I chew on the end of the pen as I stare at the ceiling. I’ve moved from pen chewing to nail biting when it occurs to me what to write.
I choose you!
Why?
Because we’re family!
I stare at the card, now filled with my words, and think, Yes, that’s perfect. I sign my name, seal the card, and tuck it back into my book, hiding it away for the right moment.
“Well, don’t you look spiffy!” Carole looks me up and down.
I give a little bow. “Thank you.” I’m wearing the new shirt she bought me for Hanukkah, and I ironed my khaki pants for a change. Clearly, it’s an improvement over my usual attire.
“Paul will be so impressed I ironed my pants. He always presses his clothes. He’s a bit of a neat freak, you know.”
“Yes, I do! And I’ve only met him once. Your friends are very sweet, Simon, but I don’t know about that one. There is something not right about him.”
“I thought the same thing at first, but he just takes a bit of getting used to. He has strange quirks, but he’s been a loyal friend to me.”
Carole marks her place with her bookmark and puts her book down. She sits up straighter and motions me to come over. I sit next to her, and she gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“Simon, since it’s New Year’s Eve, you can stay out past your curfew tonight. But be home no later than 1:30. Okay? I’m trusting you and PJ, and all your other friends for that matter, to make good decisions. You’re almost an adult now. In a few days you will be seventeen. I basically have one more year where I can tell you what to do. Go! Enjoy your night.”
“Do you regret not going with Aunt Sarah to Ocean City to ring in the New Year?”
“Oh, hell no! Truthfully, I was relieved to get out of it. I’ve had enough of Sarah for a while. Don’t get me wrong, I love Sarah, and she is your mom’s sister, but she is a bit of a handful. Not to mention a drama queen. No, I’m happy to curl up with this book and maybe open a bottle of wine later. I might even watch the ball drop on TV if I can stay awake. Please don’t worry about me; go have a good time. Give PJ a kiss for me.”
And with that, she playfully pushes me off the couch and picks her book up. I wave goodbye and head outside to wait for PJ.
I’m excited to see PJ, but I’m also a tad skittish about tonight. Things have been somewhat tense between us over him not telling his parents about me. I’ve had to let it go, or I was afraid we might stop speaking to each other altogether. But the main reason I’m so nervous is tonight might be…the night! We haven’t had much alone time because of my family obligations associated with Mom’s passing. Sure, we have done some heavy petting and some very heavy petting during a couple of stolen moments. But the good stuff, the stuff that’s brand new to me, hasn’t happened yet. But I want it to. We both do and we certainly have talked about it enough during our late-night phone calls during my recent bouts of insomnia.
After Carole goes to bed, after 11:22 when the alien lies dormant and I find myself unable to sleep, I call PJ and we talk for hours through the night. At first, the talks were PJ being his sweet self and keeping me company. He would listen to me ramble like Mom did when I was a little kid. Eventually—inevitably—our talks turned to sex. PJ is more experienced than I am. He has had sex before. I have not and kissing a few girls has not prepared me for what is sure to come. We’ve talked for hours now about all the things we want to do together. All while pleasuring ourselves while on the phone together. The excitement is now at a fever pitch, and we are standing at the precipice.
PJ arrives, pulling me out of my deep thoughts—my sex thoughts—and I jump in the car and give him a big, wet kiss. Then another.
“I’m happy to see you too.” PJ grins between kisses.
“The second kiss was from Carole.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about that. I like Carole and all, but should she be kissing me like that?”
We laugh, hands clasped, as he drives away.
“It sucks we have to change venues at the last minute for your party,” PJ says. “I was hoping that after midnight we could sneak into your bedroom for some alone time. You know what I mean, right?”
“Duh! Of course, I know what you mean. We have only been talking about it for weeks now. You know that was my plan, but Carole decided to stay home. What could I do? I was really looking forward to hosting a party too. Don’t laugh at me, but I’ve never had a real party before. Birthdays with Neel, Mags, and family at TGI Fridays don’t count. This was supposed to be my first real party. It’s New Year’s Eve and I have a ton of friends now, not to mention a hot boyfriend. I wanted…a…party!”
“You think I’m hot?” PJ gently strokes my thigh as the blood rushes to all the right places. I shiver.
