But the good memories far outweighed the bad. First smile, first word, first steps. Ellie blinking up at him with her trusting blue eyes. Each time, love had swamped him, and nothing else had mattered.
“Hey, Tabby.” He smiled down at the baby girl, who stopped crying for a moment to stare up at him. Probably wondering who the bruiser was who’d suddenly taken hold of her. Snuggling her into his left side, he walked over to the sink, ran his other hand under the cold tap, popped a finger into her mouth, and gave her bottom gum a little massage. “There you go, chomp on that.”
Tabby stopped fussing, her little gums gnawing away at his finger.
Jessica smiled warmly at him. “You’re a natural.”
He laughed, feeling a little more settled. Like maybe he wasn’t being judged after all. “Absolutely not. But I guess if you make enough mistakes, you eventually learn from them.”
With Tabby nestled in his arms, he wandered into the hallway, looking for a quiet room. He found a small study, pushed open the door, and stepped inside. A second later he caught a whiff of expensive floral scent.
Olivia came in. Her expression softened as she gazed down at Tabby. After a moment, she looked up at him. “Are you okay?”
He nodded and their eyes caught, hers curious. “What is it?” he asked.
“I’m still trying to get my head around this version of you.”
His heart gave a hard thump. “What’s the verdict so far?”
“There you are!” Ellie burst into the room before Olivia could reply. “I was looking for you. Can we go outside and play? Mia said she has a climbing frame and it sounds dead cool.”
As he spoke to Ellie, Olivia pressed a gentle kiss to Tabby’s head and slipped out of the room.
He was left wondering if they’d both had a lucky reprieve.
Chapter 26
Sitting on Connor’s sofa waiting for him to come back down from saying good night to an exhausted Ellie, Olivia found it hard to settle. Watching him today with Ellie, with Mia, with Tabby, had stirred emotions she was finding it hard to untangle.
“She went out like a light.” Connor sat next to her, and in a move so natural she didn’t see it coming, he picked her up and settled her on his lap, pressing a sweet kiss to her temple. “Thanks for inviting us, she had an amazing day. It’s good to see her making friends with Mia. Mia’s a lovely kid.”
“She is. And so is Ellie.” Olivia shifted so she could look at him. “Do you want more children?”
His eyes widened. “If that’s your way of saying you want sex, I’m definitely down for it. Or should I say up for it.”
He gave his brows a playful waggle, but when she didn’t respond, the grin slipped from his face. “If it’s your way of saying we should call it quits because we want different things, you’re wrong.”
“I asked you in Nantucket, but I realize now that you avoided the question about children and only said you wanted a partner.”
He let out a heavy breath. “Sure, I’d like more kids if the woman I’m with wants that too, but if she doesn’t, that’s also fine by me.”
“Is it really? Because I saw the way you looked at Tabby. You were meant to be a dad, Connor.” And being a mum had never been part of her plan, never been something she’d wanted.
His eyes found hers, and the look he gave her was patient, level. “I already have a daughter who I love with all my heart. If she’s the only child I ever have, I’m still the luckiest guy on this planet. All I’m looking for now is a woman to spend the rest of my life with. And I think I’ve found her.”
She inhaled sharply, one hand gripping onto the other. “You can’t say that,” she whispered.
“Why not?” His gaze was unwavering, his voice so sure. “I’m falling in love with you, Livvy, and the more time I spend with you, the more deeply I’m going to fall. You’re one hell of a woman.”
It wasn’t the first time a man had told her he was falling for her, and not the first time her reaction had been one of terror. But it was the first time her heart had seemed to fold up on itself, like it wanted to grab that love and hold on to it. “But what if you decide in a few years that you do want a family? Even if I changed my mind, which I can’t see happening, my ovaries are unlikely to be up to the task.”
His gaze did a circuit of her face. “Is this what you meant at the party when you said you were getting your head around the dad version of me?”
“Yes and no.” She shook her head. “I was in awe of you today. The way you were with my nieces and nephews, it was so easy. You were fun, warm, but it was more than that. They respected what you said. When you told my nephews it was time for tea, they put down their controllers. Believe me, that never happens. You call me a hotshot, and in my little finance bubble maybe I am, but you’re operating in a far bigger world. You have all this experience oflife.”
“Only because I was an irresponsible prick when I was younger.”
“Don’t do that.” She laid a hand on either side of his handsome face. “Don’t keep putting yourself down.” He remained quiet, calm blue eyes watching. Waiting. “I don’t know where this is going to take us,” she whispered, feeling the weight of the moment. “I was never meant to be a mum, yet if I’m going to be part of your life, I will need to be part of Ellie’s too. And I don’t know if I can do that.”
