“Livvy?” He peered down at her, those intense blue eyes seeming to see right through her.
“Sorry.” She gave a little laugh. “I was just... I know you have a daughter, but it gave me a little jolt, seeing her jacket, her shoes. Her sweater,” she added, nodding to the navy one on the floor, which elicited another muffled curse.
“Be warned, you’ll get a lot more jolts when you go into the living room.” He picked up the sweater and indicated a room with a TV on the wall, a trampoline in the middle of the floor, and a big squashy-looking gray sofa in one corner. He heaved a sigh, darted past her, and grabbed a pair of hefty-looking dumb bells off the floor, then disappeared, presumably to put them into the magic cupboard where everything seemed to live. “Can’t blame Ellie for them,” he said when he returned. He gave her a rueful smile. “Can’t blame her for a lot, really. This is... well, it’s us. Chaotic.”
“It’s a home,” she countered. “A place where you live as a family.”
He blinked, pushing the trampoline to the side. He swiped some crayons and books into a bag, plucked a stray purple-and-pink-striped sock from the sofa, and motioned for her to sit down. “Can I get you a drink?” He grimaced. “Sorry, there’s not much of a selection, not unless you want a soft drink. We’ve got every juice you can imagine. I can probably find a beer too, but definitely no wine. Might have some coffee if I remembered to buy it, but it’s the instant shit.”
She wanted to squeeze his hand, to clasp his face. Calm him. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, Connor. I barged into your home uninvited.”
“Not uninvited.” He lowered himself next to her on the sofa, elbows on his big, muscular thighs, eyes scanning the room. “As messy as this place is, I’ve wanted to invite you. Wanted to see you here, on my shabby sofa.” He gave a little shake of his head. “I just planned on getting it a bit more organized before I asked you over.” He glanced at her, mouth curving in a crooked smile. “At least tidy enough to convince you I’m borderline competent at running a house.”
He was a complex mix of big, bold, confident and this—unsure, vulnerable. It was the latter that made her heart trip. “You think it matters to me what your place looks like? Mine is tidy because I’m the only one who lives in it and I’m hardly ever there. It’s clean because I get a company to come in and clean it every week, even though it probably doesn’t need it because—”
“You’re hardly ever there.” he filled in. “So why are you here today and not at your place, making a mess so the cleaners have something to do?”
Time to show some of that courage she prided herself on. “I want to try.” His brow scrunched. “You and me,” she clarified, wondering when she’d become this inarticulate. “I’m... I’m not ready to say goodbye to you. I want to keep seeing you. On your terms. If you still want me.”
“There’s never been any doubt that I want you, Livvy.” His eyes, a shimmering swirl of bold blue hues, locked on hers. “But it needs to be more than sex. Ellie’s not stupid, she’s asked me whether I have a girlfriend, and I don’t want to keep secrets from her. I want her to know you.” He gave her a wry smile. “I know what it’s like to have a parent be ashamed of you, and I don’t want her ever thinking I don’t want her to get to know the woman I’m dating.”
“I understand.” She twisted her hands in her lap, worry burning a trail up her throat. “I’m not a person who scares easily, but I’m terrified I’ll let you down. My track record in relationships is abysmal.”
He laughed under his breath. “You think I’mnotterrified? At least you have a track record. I’ve never been in a relationship. But I have feelings for you, Livvy. Big, scary feelings that I can’t control. I know there’s a huge risk this won’t work out, that I’ll end up with a shattered heart, but I’ll be pissed if I don’t at least try to convince you to fall for me.”
Emotion plowed through her, balling in her throat. “It isn’t falling for you that I need to be convinced of.” She bit into her lip, trying to find her equilibrium. “But what happens when I do? When I don’t carry on putting in the hours I have been at work? When I take my eye off the ball because I’m too busy with you?”
“The Livvy I know would never let that happen.” His eyes searched hers, seeing more than she wanted him to. “If this is going to work, you need to be honest with me. What are you really scared of?”
Her stomach pitched and she swallowed down the acid, her throat burning, so raw were her emotions. Finally she dared to say the words she’d not allowed herself to think until now. “What if I choose you to the detriment of my career, but then you decide you want a woman your own age?” She raised tear-filled eyes to his. “Then I’ll have lost everything.”
Finally, she was opening up to him.
“It won’t happen,” he said firmly, reaching over to cup her face. “First, I have no intention of getting in the way of your career. Second, how could I ever want anyone else if I have you?”
“You say that now, but how will you feel when you’ve not seen me all week because I’ve been pulling late nights at work and that cute blond single mum is batting her eyelashes at you while you wait at the school gates?”
“You think that hasn’t happened already?” he countered dryly. “Yet here I am, desperately falling foryou.” He took a moment to kiss the tears from her cheeks, feeling the sting of his own tears. “We’re jumping the gun here. You’ve whizzed forward to the worst-case scenario and we’ve not even started dating yet. What happens if you don’t like the real me? Not the cocky guy you saw out in Nantucket but the struggling single dad who lives in a messy house with a daughter he’s let down badly this week? The dad who, even though he knows that and feels shit about it also knows it’ll happen again and again, because being a single parent, even with both sets of grandparents around to help, is fucking hard.” He searched her eyes, feeling their magnetism and allowing himself to be pulled into them. “You’re not the only one with what-if scenarios crashing round in your head. You want to know the one I hate most, though?” She nodded, “What if Ididn’ttry?”
Her expression relaxed and she leaned into him. “I like that.”
“Enough to try dating me?”
Her eyes found his, gaze steady. “Yes.” Then she smiled and gave him a sweet kiss. “And for the avoidance of doubt, I like you. A lot.”
“You do, huh?” It wasn’t the L-bomb he’d dropped, but he’d take it.
“I do. That’s why I’m here.” A wry smile crossed her face. “It certainly isn’t for the drink that you’ve so far failed to get for me.”
He let out a huff of laughter, but his bum wouldn’t shift off the sofa. Instead, he did an inventory of her face, taking in the sharp cheekbones, the soft, flawless skin, the almond-shaped eyes that shone with intelligence. The soft lips he ached to feel on his. Arousal lunged through him, a sharp punch to his groin. “I need to kiss you so badly right now.” His hands cradled her face, his own lips tingling with the memory of how hers felt. “But Ellie’s upstairs, and though she’s not talking to me right now, her being pissed off with me never lasts long.” He groaned, touching his mouth to hers. “Fuck, but I need a taste. Something to get me through till I can get you on your own.” He dipped his head again, aware he was playing with fire but unable to stop. Just a quick brush of lips, a sweep of his tongue. “Will you spend the rest of the day with us? Eat with us tonight?” Just one proper kiss, he told himself as he teased her mouth open, as he feasted, reacquainting himself with her heat, savoring her with long, deep slides of tongue while his hands slid to her sides, his thumbs curling to brush over her breasts. “Will you make out with me on this sofa after Ellie’s gone to bed?”
“Yes.” She cleared her throat, eyes a little foggy now. “Yes to all of it.”
A thump from upstairs brought him back to earth. He dragged in a breath and slipped his hands into his boxers to adjust himself. This earned him a throaty chuckle from the flushed woman who was going to drive him out of his mind for the rest of the day.
But now he would have that day, and the next. He wasn’t stupid enough to think too far into the future, but even knowing she’d still be in his life tomorrow seemed almost too good to be true, considering he’d woken up believing he’d never see her again.
“I’ll go and apologize to Ellie and tell her you’ll be joining us today.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, then winced as he remembered his earlier conversation with his daughter. “I was going to take her to the riding school, sort out her lessons. That okay with you?” Yep, listening to him trying to sort out riding lessons was really going to convince Olivia they could all have fun together. “Sorry—we can do something else after, maybe go for a drink.” It meant asking his parents to take Ellie for a few hours, which wasn’t fair on her and would give his parents another stick to hit him with. But next time he’d be more organized, plan ahead so Ellie didn’t feel like she was being parceled off.
