Connor’s gaze slid to hers for a beat, eyes widening, before he reached out to shake the hand Stuart offered.
“Hi, Connor.” Stuart didn’t hide his curiosity. “So how do you know Olivia?”
Connor looked at her, and her heart started to race; her brain felt fuzzy, like she was one wrong move away from falling off the bar stool. “Connor’s... the son of a friend,” she blurted out. “He’s interested in changing careers, so I’m giving him the finance lowdown.”
The moment she said it, she knew it was wrong. The hurt, thedevastationin Connor’s beautiful eyes only served to confirm how monumentally she’d messed up.
“Oh, right.” Stuart’s gaze flicked between the two of them. “I hope she’s bigged us up.”
Connor’s jaw muscles jumped as he settled his hand in his pocket. “Oh, yes. Livvy’s told me all about you.”
Stuart snorted. “Ah, mate, first thing you need to remember is she hates her name being shortened.”
Connor gave him a fixed smile. “She doesn’t mind when I shorten it.”
Stuart looked at him quizzically, and panic slid further up her chest, constricting her lungs. “Sorry to bolt, but we were just leaving.” She clambered off the stool and nodded to the group. “Have a great weekend, see you Monday.”
Her body felt stiff, her gait stilted as she made her way to the exit. By her side, Connor was a tower of barely controlled fury. She was so sure-footed at work, but this... she’d messed up big-time. Maybe messed things up permanently.
The panic crept up her throat, threatening to strangle her.
He yanked the bar door open for her, and as she passed him, the air crackled with a tension so heavy, her legs struggled to move.
The moment they were outside, she turned to face him. “I’m sorry.”
He gave a sharp shake of his head. “Not here.”
“Why not? I need to apologize, Connor. To make this right.”
Again he shook his head. “Wait till we get to your place.”
Her stomach churned as they made their way to the tube. Normally he’d reach for her hand, but tonight his hands remained resolutely in his pockets. On the tube he stood protectively in front of her, shielding her with his big, muscular body, yet hedidn’t touchher. It added to the sense of separation, of distance. A crack that widened with every silent step they took toward her building.
Connor’s stomach was a twisted knot of tension, frustration, and anger. Anger at himself for being stupid enough to think he’d moved to a place with Olivia where he was more than a hookup, an occasional fuck.
Tonight had shown him not only that he wasn’t any more to her than that but that he’dneverbe.
They came to a halt outside her building, the joy, the anticipation of the evening, gone. Detonated by six words.Connor’s... the son of a friend.He’d wantedConnor’s my boyfriend. Would have been happy withConnor’s my friend. But thesonof a friend?
Olivia cleared her throat. “Aren’t you coming in?”
“This is as far as I go.” He dragged in a deep breath, trying to order the words in his head so they’d come out mature, calm. And so he wouldn’t blurt outWhat the fuck wasthat?,which was what he’d wanted to say ever since they’d stepped out of the bar. “As a barman in a club, I’ve had women grab me, put their hands all over me,” he said, voice hoarse with emotion. “I’ve also had a woman I’d asked to marry me ridicule my offer. But I have never felt as cheap as I did tonight.”
Her face crumpled. “That was never my intention, you have to believe me. I’m a private person. I didn’t want my work colleagues, especially Stuart, knowing my business. When I saw them, I... panicked.”
Part of him could understand that, but right now it all felt too raw, too painful. “I get it, you didn’t want to introduce me as the guy you fuck now and again, but, hell, Livvy.” Tears stung his eyes and he turned away from her, mortified by his weakness. “I don’t like how you made me feel.”
She reached for his arm but he shifted away. If she touched him now, he’d cave, and where would that get him? A few more weeks of being her bit on the side? Her dirty secret? A few more snatched evenings when he could wangle a night’s babysitting from his parents until he was sent packing, collateral damage on the way to her dream promotion?
“I can’t do this anymore,” he said, voice thick with emotion. “I thought I could, but it turns out I want to be more than your occasional late-night hookup.” He searched her eyes, saw she was hurting too, and went for broke. “I don’t want to have to lie to my daughter about where I’m going. I want to meet you in daylight, have you come to my house now and again, spend time with Ellie. I want to hold hands with you in public. Wake up with you. Meet your friends and have you meet mine.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “Fuck, you were right. Iamfalling in love with you.”
Her eyes closed briefly, shielding her thoughts, and when she opened them, she turned away, teeth sinking into her lower lip. “I don’t know what to say. I didn’t want this to happen.” When her eyes found his, he saw the shimmer of unshed tears. “I’m devastated I hurt you.”
“Don’t be.”Don’t reach for her, don’t touch her. “I’ll never regret you, never regret extending our time together.” He inhaled, locking her scent into his memory.Stay angry with her, you dumbarse. “But tonight brought it home how differently we view what’s happening between us, and I can’t do this to myself. Can’t set myself up for any more nights like tonight.”
She looked at him sadly. “I want to say I told you so, but damn it.” Her voice wavered and she swallowed. “I didn’t want to be right.”
“I know.” He gave her a wry smile. “I never did listen to advice.”Walk away while you still can. “So, have a nice life, or whatever it is we’re supposed to say at times like this.” He tried for light but knew the crack in his voice gave him away. “I hope you rub Stuart’s nose in it when you get that promotion. Guy seems like a right tosser.”
