“Any word from Elijah?”
I shook my head, barely managing to hold back another wave of tears.
“Then let him go. This can be the first day of the rest of your life,” she said.
I forced out a laugh. “Here I come.”
The four-hour car ride home was brutal. What started out as me repeating the mantra—the first day of the rest of my life—turned into me wondering if I’d made a mistake. That then turned into me realizing that maybe I was wrong. My trust issues had turned him into a liar, not his lies. What if he hadn’t lied? And if he hadn’t lied, he had every right to be angry at my accusations. Especially after being called a boy toy and a fling.
“Shit,” I said, as I pulled into my parking garage. “I’m the problem.”
CHAPTER 45
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to have you back,” Raya said as I wiped down the counters in the kitchen after a slow Friday night. “But you’ve been mopey all week.”
“Do you know how many places in my apartment we had sex?” I scrubbed at a spot of barbecue sauce on the edge of the stove.
“Um… no? And I’m scared you’re about to tell me.”
“Pretty much all of them. Every single place. My bedroom, the couch, the shower. Everywhere except the kitchen. I can’t go anywhere in my apartment without thinking about him. He’s so lucky we never did it in his apartment!” I raised the rag in the air to emphasize my point. “Oh, and the wall. I can’t even look at the wall he pushed me up against.”
“Don’t forget the office,” Raya said in an even voice.
“How could I forget the office? See, I can’t come to work either. Sex is everywhere I look.”
“I really don’t want to hear this,” Raya said.
“You thinkIwant to hear this? See it in my head?”
“No?” she guessed.
“I shouldn’t be thinking about it at all. I need to be here, figuring out how to get that asshole of a reviewer to make another viral review that hopefully will be glowing this time.” Because business was struggling. I’d gone over the books when I got back, and we were barely breaking even.
“But we can’t have him back until we do something cool.”
“Exactly! But my brain won’t even let me think of something cool because it’s too busy thinking of…”
“Awesome sex?” she guessed.
I let out an ironic laugh. “Yes… and the fact that he has this big tournament tomorrow where he’s going to miserably fill out score sheets and manually add numbers. I told him I’d help. I thought maybe after the tournament he’d talk to his dad. Tell him he was unhappy there. But maybe he only said he was unhappy there to make me happy.”
“Why would that makeyouhappy?” she asked.
“Because if he didn’t like his job, then he would have an excuse to leave Clovis. He could come here. But coming here was never his plan. And even if it was, he still had to climb out of the hole, pay his dad back. He was never going to leave until he did that. And I just ran away. Left him there. Shit, Raya, I ran away.”
“You did.”
“Maybe I should go back?” I said. “At least to talk to him face-to-face. Help him with this tournament. Do you think he’d want me there? Do you think he’d take me back? I don’t deserve to be taken back.”
“Sutton,” Raya chastised. “It’s been a couple weeks since your fight, not fifteen years. You didn’t abandon him. You were scared and you left. Now you’re seeing you were wrong.”
“I was wrong.”
“Then go get your man.”
“I’m still scared.”
“I know. Do it anyway.”
