I pulled my phone out and dialed a number.
“Hi,” Raya answered in a soft voice.
“Did you get the tickets? I sent them yesterday.”
“I got them. Thank you.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, tears immediately springing to my eyes. “I trust you. You’re doing an amazing job, and I couldn’t do any of this without you. I want to be different. I feel like I’velearned so much in the last couple months here about myself and my past and my issues, and I can’t change overnight, but I am aware that I need to. That I need to let go of the tight grip I like to have on everything. But also, I do have problems with trust, and it doesn’t help that half the time they are unfounded and half the time they are completely right. But not with you. Never with you. You’ve been perfect.”
“I have not been perfect,” she said. “And I’m not mad anymore. I get it, Sutton. And it’s not fair of me to appreciate your nature when it benefits me and our business and not appreciate it when it doesn’t.”
“But I understand. I don’t have to be so controlling all the time.”
“No, you don’t. I bet you’d feel much better if you weren’t as well.”
I chuckled. “I’m sure I would.”
“Did something happen?”
I sat down on the couch, the blankets I had just taken out of the dryer were in a pile next to me, and I pulled one over, its warmth seeping into my legs. “What do you mean?”
“You said half the time your trust issues are justified. Did something happen?”
I told her about therapy and Michael and Fake Dr. Franklin and Elijah and finished with, “So yeah… justified.”
“Wow,” she said. “What a bunch of assholes.”
“Yeah.”
“You should definitely tell her sister. The real doctor. She’d be horrified.”
“Maybe,” I said. “Maybe she’d think this was funny too. And what would I say to her? So yeah, we were lying to your sister about needing therapy, and she was lying back to usabout being a therapist. You might want to talk to her about that.”
“Yeah, I guess this is messy and all morally gray.”
“I don’t think I’m mad at Fake Dr. Franklin anymore. She probably has a crush on Michael or something, wanted to do it for him. Thought we’d all think it was funny. I’m mad at…”
“Elijah? He was more than just a fling, wasn’t he?”
I took a deep breath and hugged the blanket to my chest. It was no longer dryer-warm. “I really liked him. Probably loved him. More than I have anyone in a while. But I don’t trust him now.”
“Even though he’s not the one who lied?”
“But I don’t know that. At the very least, he was completely ready to lie to Tara for his brother. If he could lie so easily, what else is he lying about? Maybe nothing. But maybe everything.”
“What would he have to do to make you believe him?”
“He’s done nothing. He told me I was taking this all too seriously, that I was looking for a reason not to trust him, and let me walk away. I don’t think I have to worry too much about what it would take for me to believe him. He doesn’t care enough to try to make me.”
“Oh, babe, I’m sorry.”
I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. “It’s fine. Don’t be sorry.”
“It’s not fine. You’re sad.”
I sucked in some air at her words, and my chest expanded with an intense ache. Tears filled my eyes and streamed down my face. “I’m sad.”
CHAPTER 43
