My phone rings in my pocket. It takes at least two rings for me to realize it.
I pull it out and smile at the number on my screen.
“Hi, Mommy! We’re driving!”
“I know,” I chuckle softly and swipe at a tear.
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?” I chuckle again.
“Oink.”
“Oink who?”
“Are you a pig or an owl? Make up your mind.”
She busts up laughing and I laugh along with her.
“I’m saving the ice cream one,” she says.
“Good call. Pace yourself,” I say, my smile settling somewhere deep in my heart.
“I will. I’ve got one about baseball. You’re gonna love it.”
“I know I will.”
“Better start getting some to tell me, Mommy.”
“I’ll be on the hunt right away.”
“Okay. Bye!”
“Bye, sweetheart. Love you.”
The phone clicks and I pull myself together.
I climb into the quiet of the van and drive back to work alone. Everything’s emptier. She’s only been gone a few minutes and the spaces she should be filling whoosh with an airy hollowness. Her classroom, this van, our house, all vacant of her silliness, precociousness and intensity.
Back at the station, I slip into the kitchen hoping I can enter the routine without a fuss.
Greyson looks up from his station laptop where he’s logging something.
“Got a minute, Hallie?” he asks in a formal tone.
“Yeah. Sure.”
He stands and pushes his chair back then he walks to the door leading out into the bays without another word. His movements are so authoritative and professional, Patrick doesn’t even bother looking up from his book. Dustin appears to be napping in a recliner.
I follow Grey out. He steps over to the engine, and I think he’s about to go over something I missed during checks this morning. I wouldn’t be surprised. My head might not have been fully in the game.
Instead, he leans on the engine, looks down into my eyes and asks, “Everything okay?”
I smile a half-smile up at him. There’s no hiding here. He’ll ferret me out. I don’t know how or what we do about this, but I know one thing, no one can see through me like Grey does. No one seems to have access to the places he enters so freely and easily. And no one handles my heart with such precision and care.
I take a breath, never tearing my eyes away from his, keeping my distance because I want nothing more than to sink into his arms and to let him hold me.
“Mia’s with her dad this week. It’s fine. He’s fine. I’m just not used to her being gone.”
