The four of us hike down to the valley where the ATVs are stored inside a cave at the base of Big Bear. The Ski-Doos we use during the winter months are already stored away until the weather turns. The mouth of the cave is carefully hidden under dense foliage just in case some campers get curious. Khalil gets to work uncovering the entrance while Thorin and I duck inside to pull out the ATVs.
“Wow,” Aurelia says as we line up the ATVs. I look up from sticking the key in the ignition to see her staring at the vast expanse of open terrain. The ground is damp and muddy from the storms but otherwise barren and not worth the awe in Aurelia’s brown eyes. In the winter, it’s a frozen tundra that never seems to end, especially if you’re unlucky enough to be caught out there during a storm. “I haven’t been back here since Thorin lost that race.”
“What race?” I ask before I can remember that I’m not supposed to care. Resisting Aurelia is an exhausting and futile endeavor. And I’m losing.
“Mario Kart,” she answers with a smile that tells me the memory is a fond one.
I stare at her because I can’t look away. “Who won?”
“I did.” She’s beaming proudly until Thorin speaks and her smile drops.
“Because she cheated.” Thorin rolls his eyes as he walks over to his ATV. “Seth and Khalil helped her.”
Aurelia wrinkles her nose and cuts her gaze his way. “Are you saying you want a rematch, loser?”
Thorin throws a leg over the seat and drops down. “Bring it, swindler.”
Aurelia looks around and realizes that we’re one ATV short at the same time I realize mine is the only one that can seat two. We always make sure we have at least one off-road vehicle that can carry a passenger just in case we come across a lost or injured hiker. It happens at least once or twice every year. Patrolling the Cold Peaks is how we usually spend our days once the temperature rises, but admittedly the reason goes beyond passing time or being a Good Samaritan.
It’s to ensure we are truly alone and not being hunted by the demons I left behind.
“You’re with me,” I say after the awkward silence goes on long enough.
“We can switch—”
“She’s with me,” I repeat firmly, cutting off Khalil’s offer. I hold out my hand to Aurelia, and I forget how to breathe as I wait to see if she’ll accept it. Aurelia is visibly surprised and suspicious. She probably thinks it’s a trap or a test, and I do nothing to assure her because it’s both.
I don’t know what it is about this girl, but I can’t help dancing the fine edge between wanting her close to me and pushing her away. Maybe I’m just hoping she’ll get tired of my shit and make me choose once and for all. Or maybe I’m just racing toward an agonizing inevitability—Aurelia realizing she doesn’t belong here with us. Whatever the reason, it’s that look in her eyes when she catches on that sets my blood on fire.
She puts her hand in mine, and hers is both soft and callused in places from training with the bow and working in her garden.Sometimes I sit on the porch with the excuse of getting some air, just so I can listen to her sing while she works the soil.
Without taking my eyes from her, I close my hand around her smaller one and pull her over to me. Aurelia stumbles a little and I catch her by her waist before pulling her the rest of the way until she’s between my legs. I blindly reach for the spare helmet and then turn on the mic inside before handing it to her. Aurelia puts it on while I grab mine and do the same.
“You want to drive?” I ask over the speaker.
She shakes her head and then hops on behind me. There’s another awkward moment while she debates where to put her hands until I reach behind me and draw her arms around my waist. Her palms feel hot through my shirt, but I block out the sensation when Thorin starts speaking.
“The rules are the same as last time. First one to the end of the valley wins. First one to throw something at me, dies.”
“I think you mean last one to the finish line is a rotten egg!” Aurelia yells through the mic. I’m still cringing from having my eardrums nearly blown when she slaps my shoulder repeatedly. “Go, go, go!”
So I press on the throttle and I go.
Thorin is swearing profusely as he uses the cool water from the stream he’s crouched in front of to wash the egg from his hair. Aurelia is attempting to help him, but her uncontrollable bouts of laughter are making it difficult. Khalil, having anticipated a rematch, had snagged a few eggs from the cabin before we left, and after Thorin crossed the finish line last again, the three of usambushed him before he could even dismount and smashed the unbroken eggs over his head.
What Ihadn’texpected was for the prank to trigger one of Seth’s memories.
Realizing what was happening, I quickly walked away from the others under the guise of taking a piss while the memory played in my head like a clip from a home video.
In the remembrance, Seth is sitting at the kitchen table watching Aurelia use Khalil and Thorin’s thick skulls to crack two eggs open. Apparently, they’d just gotten into a pissing match over her, though the reason why rests on the fuzzy edges of the memory. Seth is clutching his stomach and laughing like a wild hyena. At the same time, I can feel his rising respect for Aurelia at such a bold and rebellious move when her survival still rested on themwantingto keep her around. Khalil and Thorin are frozen in shock with egg dripping down their faces and hair when Aurelia’s eyes meet mine between them and the memory abruptly ends.
I snap out of it with a gasp and lean my head forward against the nearest tree as I try to catch my breath. The moment my heart is no longer racing, I close my eyes and try desperately to pull the memory back. No matter how hard I dig, that door remains firmly closed to me, and I’m left wondering if the recall was a simple side effect of waking up or Sethfeedingthe memory to me, guiding me where he wanted me to go.
To Aurelia.
Every part of me hopes for the latter because it means Seth isn’t gone after all.
For whatever reason, he’s staying just out of reach, obscure and lost in shadow along with the memories hedoesn’twant me to see.
