I sigh, feeling my shoulders ease from the weight of her worries now that she’s unburdening herself to me. “Is it about your uncle?”
“No, but we should talk about that too when Thorin and—” She stops herself when she realizes she was about to say Zeke’s name. “When Thorin is back,” she amends.
I reach up and grab her wrist while I twist in the chair to meet her sad eyes. “Whatever it is, Zeke will want to help too. He cares more than you think.”
Aurelia sighs and goes back to lathering my hair. “Actually, it’s Zeke I wanted to talk to you about.”
I don’t react other than to readjust in my seat. “Go on.”
It’s another minute before she finally asks her question. “You said Bane only awakens if Zeke is in danger. Is that the only way?”
“No. Bane has a trigger word. You say it, and all hell breaks loose.”
I wait for her to ask me what it is, but she doesn’t. Either she already knows it—which is possible considering Seth’s reckless obsession to give her anything she wants—or she knows I won’t tell her.
Against my will, my eyes drift closed when I feel her fingers massaging my scalp. “But are yousurethose are the only reasons?”
I feel my frown but my eyes remain closed under the workings of her magical fingers. “DID is a proven disorder, but it isn’t an exact science. Much of what Zeke’s alters can or will do is bound to whatever the main identity needs in order to cope, so… Yes, I guess it’s possible that Bane can choose for himself when to step in, but he never has. Only when Zeke feels threatened.” Aurelia’s fingers pause, and I feel the hair on my arms rise. “Why?”
Rather than answer my question, she asks one of her own. “Would Zeke be aware if he does?”
“Not really. He said it’s just like falling asleep. One moment he’s there and the next he’s not. And he never remembers anything when he wakes up. Not unless he goes looking for the memories himself, but he never does for two reasons. One, they’re not easy to retrieve—like any of the memories we have before the age of five, except these are only moments, days, weeks old.”
“And the second?”
“He doesn’t want to know what Seth and Bane did while his subconscious was locked inside the cage of his own mind.”
Aurelia finishes washing my hair in silence. Once it’s conditioned, she towels it damp and then we move over to the table where she sprays some of her heat protectant on my hair and then grabs the blow dryer. She begins working to dry my hair completely, and we don’t speak again until she shuts it off. “Haveyouever seen him split?”
“A few times.” They weren’t pleasant memories, and like Zeke, I’m not wild about reaching for them.
“Can you always tell?” she prods as she parts my hair with the tail of the fine-tooth comb. “What are the signs I should look for?”
“The slight variation in his voice and demeanor are the biggest tells, but by then it’s already too late. The alter has fully taken over. I’m guessing that’s not what you’re asking.”
“No.”
“It’s almost like a reset button,” I explain. “Once triggered, he stops moving and reacting to stimuli because his mind is shutting down for a reboot. It all takes place within a few seconds, so if you’re not aware of what’s happening, it’s really easy to dismiss.”
“You make him sound like a robot.”
“In some ways, he is. He has to be. Zeke went through every emotion while trapped in that fucking cult, and you better believe his brother used them all against him, so—”
“So he’s in constant pain.”
“Zeke doesn’t always trust what he feels, and when he does, he’s afraid of how it will be used against him. Sometimes, the best thing he can do is shut it all off.”
“But he doesn’t come back when he does.”
Not caring about my hair when I’m assaulted with the sadness in my girl’s voice, I pull her around and into my lap. “He always comes back, Goldilocks. Just not right away.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to see Seth again. I do. Ilovehim. It’s just that…I feel like shit wanting that when I know it means hurting Zeke.” She groans and hides her face again. “I thought loving multiple men who all know about each other was complicated.”
I smile a little. “But it has nothing on being in love with a man with multiple identities.” I rub Aurelia’s back while she takes deep breaths. “Do you have feelings for Zeke, baby? Is that it?”
With her face still hidden, she shakes her head. A moment later, her shoulders tremble and she nods.
“It’s okay to love them both.”
