“How long was I out?” I finally demand when it’s clear they won’t offer the information on their own. Khalil and Thorin are probably hoping I’ll just fall in line, but fat fucking chance of that happening. Exhaustion weighs down my voice, but the awkward silence makes it easy for them to hear me.
Thorin answers. “Couple of months,” he grumbles.
The tightening of my skin—stretching impossibly as if I no longer fit—eases a little.
Two months isn’t bad. Seth has been in control for much longer before, and the worn-down state I usually find Thorin and Khalil in after is never much better than my own. What scares the shit out of me is how much has changed in such a short time. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Aurelia’s shiver and Thorin pulling her closer, sharing his warmth with her while nuzzling her temple.
Thorin, soft and attentive? I’m in the fucking Twilight Zone.
“Zeke?”
“Yeah?”
“What do you remember?” Khalil asks with a caution that makes my skin prickle.
The better question is… What exactly don’t they want me to remember?
“Nothing. Not a fucking thing. You know that.”
The tension in the room heightens to a dangerous point since we all know my amnesia is temporary. It’s not unusual for Seth to lock away some memories, though the memory loss is not always his doing. I don’t know if the secrets he keeps are his way of punishing me for taking my body back or protecting me from further harm, but he always tucks the memories away just out of reach whenever he sleeps.
It’s never bothered me before.
I’ve never been so tempted to go looking for them until now.
My gaze travels back to the girl because I can’t help myself. She’s leaning forward and staring back at me, too, with a mixture of curiosity and anguish. I have no idea what that’s about, but it makes my teeth clench.
Seth…
Just like my last few attempts, he’s eerily silent when I call for him. That space inside my head that Seth occupies is hauntingly hollow, and I’m left asking a terrifying question that would send me to my knees if I wasn’t already sitting.
Can an alter die even if the body lives on?
A flare of unexpected panic seizes my muscles and sends my heart racing even as I reach for Seth again out of habit, grasping for the comfort he provides. My feelings toward Seth have always been complicated, but the dread wrapping itself around me like a barbed fist feels pretty fucking definitive. When all I feel is that emptiness again, I focus on trying to access his memories. It’s a challenge for any of us to hide them all, especially from me. It’s my head after all.
Wincing at the pounding in my skull when I probe for the ones of Aurelia—the memories Seth has locked down tighter than state secrets—I give up for now and absently rub my chest while staring into the flames. This ache right over my heart feels like my rib cage had been torn open recently. The last time I’d felt that way was when I learned of Tatum’s betrayal.
My gaze flicks toward the girl again only to find her watching me.
Seriously, what the fuck is her problem?
Khalil hears my sharp inhale and then searches for the source, catching Aurelia gawking again. He leans and whispers something to her, but this time his voice carries enough over the crackling fire for me to make out the gentle order. “We need to talk to him. Go in the room and relax for me, Goldilocks. We got this.”
Aurelia sighs heavily like she’s annoyed about being shut out before pushing the blanket off her shoulders and standing to obey. I grit my teeth when I catch my brothers watching her like obsessed maniacs. Their eyes follow her out of the room and into Thorin’s, but when she turns to close the door, it’s my eyes she finds and holds as she quietly shuts it behind her.
It feels like she’s hunting me, and I react like any cornered prey would. I do nothing while waiting for her pounce, to feel the sink of her claws and teeth bleeding me dry. The door closes, and even though I can’t see her anymore, I’m locked inside my fear of this girl who watches me like she thinks I’m hers.
The moment she’s gone Khalil swears and then places his hand on my back before instructing heavily, “Breathe, Zeke.”
My lungs expand inside my chest, but I can’t quite catch my breath. “Why is she here?” I choke out. “Who is she? What is she doing here? Why is she here?”
My heart is pounding dangerously fast by the time Khalil moves and wraps himself around me from behind for comfortas much as control in case I switch. “Shhh,” he soothes with his bearded cheek pressed against the side of mine as he rocks us both from side to side. “It’s okay, Zeke. She’s not going to hurt you. Just breathe, man. Breathe.”
I hold on to his promise even though I want to flee the cabin.
She won’t hurt me. She won’t hurt me. She won’t hurt me.
I don’t realize Thorin’s left the room until he crouches in front of me with a pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other. I open my mouth, and Thorin places the pill on my tongue.
